you’ve read the book…now what?

Today is the official release date for Women of the Word, but thanks to the faithful efforts of my publisher it has been available for a little over a month. I’ve been gratified to read the reviews and emails from so many of you who read the book and recognized the importance of building Bible literacy, of loving God with your mind through faithful study of His Word. I love hearing your stories of writing the five P’s of sound study on sticky notes to keep in your Bibles, of how you’re reshaping the way you use your personal study time. It’s hard to change old habits. It’s hard to learn a new skill. I’m so glad to know you’re willing to take on the challenge on your own, but I also want to offer you help where I can.

I have the spiritual gift of pie-making. Okay, it’s not actually a spiritual gift, but I’m really good at it. When I was in high school, my stepmother told me that the secret to winning lifelong friends was to make them pie from scratch. She was not wrong.  After dangling this vision in front of me she proceeded to show me how to make it a reality, one pie crust at a time. Rather than load me up with recipe cards and send me off to figure it out, she stood next to me and showed me how to cut the flour into the pastry, how to add the chilled water, how to roll out the crust with an outward motion rather than a downward motion, how to neatly crimp the edges, how to make a creamy custard and a towering meringue. She didn’t just tell me her pie-making secrets, she showed me how to put them into practice.

In my book I have told you the recipe for how to make a pie. If you put into practice what I describe, you will learn to study the Bible better. But I don’t want to leave you holding a recipe card when I can offer to hold your hand through the learning process. I don’t want to just tell you what to do, I want to show you.

When I write a curriculum for a Bible study, that’s exactly what I do. I write it to help my study participants put into practice the tools I describe in Women of the Word.  And I teach with the intent of building on the foundation the curriculum lays. The weekly homework is virtually free of commentary and intends to train you over time to ask good questions of the text.

If you resonated with the message of the book and now want a way to put it into practice, consider gathering a group of women to go through a curriculum that will help you practice building Bible literacy. It doesn’t have to be one I wrote  - just make sure it asks you to pursue the process of comprehension-interpretation-application before it gives you commentary. If you do want to use something I’ve written, you can download the workbooks and audio for my previous studies right here on the blog.

And after years of being asked, “When are you going to video your studies?”  I’m thrilled to let you know that LifeWay has released a 9-week DVD-driven version of the Sermon on the Mount study. It’s hard to pick a personal favorite of the studies I’ve taught, but this one is pretty near the top for me. And it’s a good starting place if you’re new to the study method.

As you look for ways to help yourself or the women of your church grow in Bible literacy, I hope you’ll consider these resources as a next step after reading Women of the Word. Many blessings on your time in the Word, both alone and in community. May your days be filled with joyful study. And also pie.

a parent of my word

"Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil." Matthew 5:37

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus instructs his disciples to be people of their word. He teaches that our “yes” and “no” should be words of such integrity that they require no oath to back up their reliability. In short, he instructs us to do what we say we will do so that our words carry unquestionable credibility.

This is a foundational concept for Christian parents to understand. We want our children to trust our words. Cultivating that trust begins at an early age and requires intentionality. It also requires great effort.

Most parents recognize the importance of letting their “yes” be “yes”. If we promise a reward for an accomplishment or good behavior, the reward must be given. Following through on that “yes” teaches our child that when we promise good things, we deliver. And giving a reward is a joy, so we are fairly consistent at delivering on our “yeses”.

But it is in the area of letting our “no” be “no” that our credibility usually suffers. Who hasn’t seen the young mom in the grocery store issuing and repeating a series of “no” statements to her young child, to be met with either no acknowledgment or outward defiance? It is critical for parents to understand the subtext of these scenarios: they are battles for parental credibility.

When we issue a “no” command and our child does not obey, she is asking us an important question: “Are you a person of your word?” How we respond to non-compliance will tell her the answer. If we repeat the command or allow the disobedience to go uncorrected, we tell her that our word is not our bond. If we follow through with correction, we tell her that our word can be trusted.

Why don’t we follow through? Usually, because we have casually given a command we don’t care about enforcing or because we don’t want to exert ourselves to administer correction.  A parent whose word is his bond says what he means and means what he says. He only commands what he expects to be done, and he follows through with correction even if it requires effort. He cares more about consistency than comfort. He cares more about integrity than inconvenience.

Consider this thought: We should repeat ourselves as many times as we want our child to actively disobey.  When we tell ourselves “Oh, he just didn’t hear me” or “Oh, she’s too young to understand”, we disrespectfully imply that our children are either deaf or stupid. They are not.  If they are old enough to hear and respond immediately to “Come get a cookie” they are old enough to hear and respond immediately to “Pick up your toys”. The issue is not their hearing or intelligence but their will.

But what about grace? Don’t we model God when we give grace instead of correction? Yes, by giving it like He does: freely, to one who does not expect it at all. A child who ignores a command is telling you she expects to be given grace, and often what we call grace is conflict avoidance on our part.

When we give a command, our unspoken implication should be “I mean it”. When our child ignores it, their implication is “No, you don’t”. Repeating the command reveals our lack of resolve and compromises our child's ability to believe we are a parent of our word.

So be a parent whose word is your bond. Only give commands that you expect to be obeyed. Only give them once. Consistently follow through with affirmation for obedience and correction for disobedience. Your child will flourish under the assurance that your word can be trusted, a credibility you can draw on when the hard questions of adolescence arrive.

Still better, your trustworthy speech and actions will model the character of God. By being a parent of your word, you mirror our heavenly Parent, whose “yes” and “no” are firm, for His glory and our good. 

For more on young children and obedience, listen to week 2 of the parenting class here.

the secret giver

In Matthew 6:2-4 Jesus describes a type of giving that is known only to the Father, a giving so unselfconscious that our left hand does not know what our right hand is doing. The idea of giving unconsciously, without keeping a record and without expecting the praise of others is a lofty one and an appealing one, but it can be hard to find practical ways to live it out. All gift-giving requires a certain level of creativity, and none more so than the secret giving described by Jesus. With that in mind, here are a few creative ways we can give to others in secret.

First, some ways to bless those outside our home:

1.     Instead of writing a personal check to a person or organization, send an anonymous cashier’s check. If sending the check to a friend or family member, mail it from a different zip code than yours. You can even enlist the help of a friend in another state: mail them your envelope and ask them to send it. On a smaller scale, gift cards can easily be sent anonymously in the mail as well. You can include a typed note that acknowledges the purpose of the gift: “For your house payment this month”, “For your car repair”, etc. This helps the receiver know how intimately concerned God is that their specific needs be met.

2.     Some people have trouble accepting help with meals when they are going through a tough week. It’s hard to drop off a home-cooked meal anonymously, but you can leave an anonymous note on their door telling them to expect delivery of a meal from a local restaurant on a certain day and time (do as much recon as you can to pick a good window).

3.     Help anonymously with school-related expenses. Secretly pay for a child’s tuition to mother’s day out for a young mom who needs a break. Contact the grade school of a struggling family and ask to anonymously fill a child’s lunch account.

4.     Send a lawn service over to mow the yard of a single mom or ill friend. Or send maid service to clean their house.  Speak to the service provider to set up the arrangement and pre-pay. Then mail an anonymous note to the recipient giving them the name and number of the person to contact to schedule their appointment. The possibilities are endless here, depending on the size of your gift: house painting, window washing, home repairs could all be handled in a similar way.

5.     Send movie ticket vouchers and a restaurant gift card anonymously to a young couple who need a date night. Give symphony or theater tickets to a family that might not ever be able to afford to go. Think specifically about how a particular person or family could be blessed by your anonymous giving with a gift they would choose themselves if they had the money.

Now, what if there were ways to practice secret giving without spending money and without leaving our homes? We would be remiss if we only practiced secret giving toward those in our community. If charity begins at home, secret charity begins there as well. Parents, you are especially well-positioned to be secret givers, but the entire family can get in on the fun. Any time you are home alone is an opportunity to bless anonymously. Think creatively about how, and encourage your kids to do the same. Look for (but don’t be limited to) things that need to be done, but that often go unnoticed:

1.     Fold and put away someone else’s laundry, even if it’s not your job.

2.    Put fresh sheets on someone else's bed and hang fresh towels in the bathroom. Restock the toilet paper.

3.     Mow the lawn one weekday before the person responsible has a chance to do it.

4.     Unload the dishwasher or take out the trash, even if it’s not your turn.

5.     Organize a closet that everyone uses. Or organize the garage.

6.     Clean the baseboards or the air vents. Dust the ceiling fan blades. Clean all the toilets. No one will even notice that you did it. Which is exactly what makes it great.

Even in homes where gratitude is well-trained and properly displayed, most moms or dads have encountered the thought, “There are a thousand things I do that my family takes for granted.” What if, rather than resent this lack of perceptiveness, we viewed it as a means for secret gift-giving? What if moms and dads kept things clean and operating and paid for without resentment, recognizing that one day their children would look back as adults and say “You did that!”? Or even recognizing that their kids may never look back in gratitude, but that the Father who sees in secret has not overlooked a single selfless gift?

Public giving certainly has its place, but so does secret giving – both outside and inside the home. The real trick to secret giving is to keep no record – to give expecting nothing in return – not a name on a building, not a sense of indebtedness in the receiver, not a tax receipt, not even a thank-you note. One day all of our giving will be known – those we have blessed in secret will know the instrument of their blessing was us. Our recipients will look back and say “It was you!”

And isn’t that a picture of how God gives to us? For our God is a Secret Giver – He gave us Christ before we knew we needed him, a Secret Gift whose value will take an eternity to properly value. He gives us grace throughout our lives in large and small ways that we will not see clearly until Glory. On that day we will look back and say “It was you!” for a thousand graces. Secret giver, live in light of that truth today. Freely you have received. Freely give.

Do you have creative suggestions for secret giving? Leave a comment...

wormwood and gall

A young woman asked me to meet with her recently to help her learn how to deal with bitterness. She had suffered harm at the hands of a fellow believer in the form of hurtful accusations and outright hypocrisy. Though months had gone by she found that bitterness toward this person kept creeping back into her thinking.

I could relate. Several years back I found myself in a similar situation when my integrity was called into question unjustly by a fellow believer. I had always thought that the enemies Jesus commanded me to love were people I labeled as such, either because they were unbelievers or because they drove me crazy. I believed an enemy was someone I chose. Most days I didn't have anyone on that list. Suddenly I found myself confronted with the truth that my enemy could choose me, out of the blue, as I went about my life - that despite my best efforts to live at peace with all men, someone could still choose to walk in enmity toward me. And that someone could even be a believer. This was a new kind of hurt for me, the kind that tempted me to drink deeply of bitterness.

Here is what I wanted during that time: I wanted my adversary to be brought to justice. I wanted my side of the story to be heard and my hurt to be acknowledged. I wanted to be vindicated in front of those who had heard my integrity questioned – not tomorrow or next year – today.

That’s not what happened. Because God is better to me than I deserve, no opportunity came for any of those wants to be met. And in that season of wormwood and gall He taught me truths I would otherwise never have sought. Here are a few bitterness-barring realizations I learned to cling to:

Realization 1: God knows the real story. Every justification I wanted to raise was already known to God. Every misconception I wanted to correct was not misconceived by God. He knew both sides of the story perfectly, and more importantly He knew the truth that lay somewhere between. My sense of urgency to clear my name was misplaced and self-reliant. So instead of fighting to make my side of the story known, I learned to let my words be few. And I asked God to show me where I had shaded the truth to mollify my hurt or downplay my own sin.

Realization 2: God sees the heart of my adversary. God sees my heart. As my hurt blossomed I began to take comfort in the knowledge that, if God’s word can be trusted, one day my adversary’s sin would be called to light. I found peace in knowing justice would eventually be served, even if not in this lifetime. It took awhile for me to realize that on that day my own sin would also be fully revealed. We can all rely on the Just Judge to do His job. One day my adversary’s sin will be known, and so will mine. On that day I will cling to the mercy of my Savior. I will beg for it, though I do not deserve it. If I do less than this for my adversary I am a hypocrite of the highest order. So instead of taking comfort that justice would be served, I began praying for my enemy to receive mercy.

Realization 3: I have caused hurt as well. I may have done nothing to deserve this particular hurt, but I have certainly caused similar hurt (known and unknown) for others. So instead of feeling superior to my adversary, I began to develop empathy for them. And I began asking God to show me my own sins against others.

There is only one person who has ever suffered unjustly in the purest sense, and that is Christ. The rest of us may indeed be wronged by another, but never without the guilt of having caused harm ourselves at some point in our lives. So when we suffer unjustly, insofar as that is humanly possible, we can be instructed by the way in which Christ endured. When falsely accused and convicted by his own people, he remained silent. 1 Peter 2 says he “continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” When at last he did speak (after the unjust verdict had been passed) it was to cry out not against, but on behalf of his oppressors.

Think about this: At no time are we more like Christ than when we suffer unjustly at the hands of those who should have loved us best. We claim that we want to be conformed to the image of the Son. What if it takes this kind of suffering to accomplish just that? So instead of asking why God would let this injustice happen, I began asking Him to use every bit of the hurt to mold me into the likeness of the Savior.

Realization 4: I must refuse the bitter cup. The Bible speaks of our times of hard trial as seasons of wormwood and gall, of bitter herb and bile, times that leave us with the lingering taste of resentment in our mouths if we drink deeply of their vintage. Perhaps the greatest temptation in a bitter season is to drink in the gall that besets us, to take it into our very souls and harbor it there, crying for justice to be done.  Bitter trial may surround us, but we need not internalize its acid sting. We can choose to refuse the bitter cup when it is brought to our lips.

We see a picture of this truth at Golgotha. As the death sentence passed on him by those who should have loved him best was carried out, Jesus cried out in thirst and was offered gall to quench it. He turned his face away. Scholars are divided on why this is so. Either the cup was offered to mercifully shorten his life by poisoning him or it was offered as an analgesic to lessen his physical anguish. But Christ was unwilling to shorten or diminish his appointed suffering by the smallest amount. He had come single-mindedly to do the will of the Father. In the bitterest trial of his incarnation, Christ refused the cup of bitterness raised to his lips.

You and I mistakenly believe that drinking deeply of bitterness will satisfy our hurt, but Christ has shown us the better way. In all suffering the cup of gall will be offered to our lips. We who have drunk from the cup of Life must seek no comfort in that caustic drink. Like Christ, we must refuse it. The bitter thirst of injustice is only quenched with the Living Water of the gospel. In our seasons of wormwood and gall may we drink deeply and often from its streams, exchanging bitterness for the hope and portion of steadfast love, of mercies that never come to an end – for us and for our offenders.

Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3:19-24

beatitudes

Blessed in poverty and grief,
Blessed my will to set aside,
Blessed in hunger and in thirst

At Your table satisfied.

Blessed Your mercy to impart,

Blessed with sight, now pure in heart.

Blessed the lost to reconcile,

Blessed to be refined in trial.

Blessed, because you loved me first –
You, who were yourself accursed,
You who bore my guilt and shame,         
Who for me a curse became.

You, though cursed (how can this be?)

Speak your blessing over me.

j. wilkin

9.23.08

of wicket gates and wider ways

'...thou hast forsaken the way that is good, to tread in forbidden paths; yet will the man at the (wicket) gate receive thee, for he has goodwill for men.' - John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress


Hate not the narrow road
Its path is strong and sure
And safety for the soul
Of him who would endure

Despise thee not the gate
Though entry may cost all
For mercy doth await
Once through that portal small

Though other roads run broad
And other gates stand wide
Esteem the narrow way
That spans a vast divide

Pass not the narrow gate
But seek to enter through
It bars the way to none
But shows itself to few

And hast thou seen this gate?
Pray, run to it this day
For Christ doth beckon thee –
He is both Gate and Way

j. wilkin 11.9.08

Matthew 7:13-14, John 10:7-9, John 14:5-6

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why swearing is dumb for christians

I recently came across a blog written by a Christian author on the topic of swearing. After getting off to a reasonable start, he contended that swearing could be used by a Christian, even one with a platform, in certain situations to add emphasis to a point. He cited several examples of lyrics from Christian songs that included some of the more colorful blooms in the expletive garden – think “FUchsias” or “SHastas” – to drive home their message.

I was fascinated by this line of thought. I tried to imagine this author educating my children on the merits of the well-placed swear word in communicating the gospel, or just in everyday conversation. Of course, any discussion of swearing in the Christian community is bound to start someone crying “legalism” pretty quickly (what dirtier word, among Evangelicals?). So bearing in mind that right actions are the fruit of right motives, here are four thoughts on why profanity is just plain dumb for the Christ-follower:

1. profanity is lazy speech
First, it is lazy because it requires no imagination. Profanity has become so common that it has entered the ranks of not-so-power-packed words like “amazing” and “awesome”. A lazy mouth usually has as its proprietor a lazy mind. This is probably one reason Paul, whose mind was not lazy, managed to express concisely and effectively the message of the gospel without once dropping the Greek equivalent of the f-bomb. Even on the Galatians.

Second, it is lazy because it takes almost no effort to refrain from. Quitting swearing is a cake-walk compared to quitting, for example, smartphone addiction (now, that’s bleeping hard). And yes, it’s a signal to others that you’re at least heading for the path of self-control. Some areas of deficit self-control hide themselves to the casual observer. Speech is not one of these areas – it immediately reveals our laziness. Yet it is a small thing to master. Consider Luke 16:1: He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much. (NASB) Put another way, if you can’t resist and flee from this simplest of verbal sins, the subtler ones are going to bleeping eat your lunch.

2. profanity is the language of contempt
Profanity is the hatchling of anger, incubated in contempt. Anger may call someone a jerk, but contempt would call him a bleeping moron. Contempt implies that its object is not just irritating but valueless – it devalues and implies the desire to harm. Jesus makes this connection between anger, contempt, and our speech in the Sermon on the Mount where he links such language to the sin of murder.

Here is where our edgy Christian artist or communicator asks “But what if my anger is righteous? Can I use profanity to communicate it?”

I confess it is hard for me to imagine a situation where righteous anger and profanity would be a “win”. And really, how often is our anger truly righteous in the biblical sense? J.C. Ryle puts it this way: “To say the least, such [contemptuous] language is unseemly and only defeats its own end. A cause which is defended by such language is deservedly suspicious. Truth needs no such weapons.” 

3. profanity denies the value God places on words
God can use any medium to communicate truth to us. In fact, he uses many: nature, art, music, even architecture, to name a few. But clearly one medium surpasses all others in clarity and effectiveness: words. The 66 books of the Bible stand witness to this fact. Could we doubt that He who calls His own son the Word would take lightly the way that we handle our words? The wisdom literature of the Bible is loaded with warnings about our speech. Can speech that is lazy or contemptuous find any place of honor in the vocabulary of the believer?

4. profanity clouds the message
As a Bible teacher, I ask you to consider: It is hard enough to communicate spiritual truths to lost people and young believers without muddying the message with profanity. Swearing is a luxury that’s simply not worth it. And it doesn’t sound like Christ – it just bleeping sounds like everyone else.

Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.