Teaching children responsibility is a primary task for
parents. The question of whether or not an allowance should be paid for completing
chores requires parents to consider training in two areas simultaneously:
responsibility for work and responsibility for money. I don’t think that there’s
necessarily one right answer to the question of whether completion of chores
should be tied to monetary reward or not, but I can tell you how we handled the
issue and why.
We decided not to tie
allowance to chores. We set clear expectations for what the kids were
responsible for (unloading the dishwasher, doing their laundry, etc) and then
we held them to the list. If a chore was not completed in a timely or thorough
manner, we gave another deadline along with an additional chore. The longer
noncompliance occurred, the more unsavory the additional chores became. It was
a pretty effective strategy that almost never went beyond about two rounds. Let’s
just say no one wanted to clean the baseboards. Ever. (I just asked my youngest
what his least favorite chore was, and he fired off “baseboards” before I even
finished the question.)
Allowance was something we just gave. It was given in an amount appropriate
to their age, increasing as they got older, and going away once they were old
enough to earn money by working outside our home (babysitting, lawn-mowing).
Allowance, and any other savings, was used at their discretion to purchase
wants. We committed to cover their needs. If a child needed a new pair of
shoes, I would spend enough to cover the need – store brand sneaks. The child
could contribute the difference in price if they wanted a nicer pair. We saw
allowance as an opportunity for them to learn self-control and the difference
between needs and wants. But we didn’t treat it as compensation.
We did offer to pay for certain jobs that wouldn’t be categorized
as everyday chores. If a child needed extra money, if the job was something we
would hire someone to do, or something we didn’t have time to do ourselves, we would
offer the chance to earn. Each time we had house guests, my oldest daughter
cleaned the guest room to earn money for a trip she was taking. I was so sad
when she met her goal because the job fell back to me again, and I have a bad
attitude. I keep leaving travel brochures on her pillow.
Why We Work
At an event this week I had the
privilege of meeting Pastor Tom Nelson, a man who has devoted quite a bit of
time to examining the relationship between faith and work. He articulated a
principle that I hadn’t been able to put words around, a framework for how the
believer should think about the work he or she does. He said that work ought
not to be primarily about compensation
but about contribution. As those
whose work is ultimately done for the glory of God, we ask, “How much can I contribute?”
before we concern ourselves with “How much will I receive?” Think how
differently the world would function if everyone regarded work through this
lens.
This is why in our home we didn’t
tie allowance (compensation) to chores (work). Instead, we explained to the
kids that their contributions to the upkeep of domestic order were absolutely essential.
We were not merely trying to train them to obey or to be responsible, we
actually needed them to share the burden of work for our family to flourish. It
was not an overstatement. The Bible study I lead requires me to be gone twenty six
weeknights of the year. I also travel occasionally for speaking. Jeff and I explained
to the kids that they were acting as ministry partners by keeping the house in
order when I couldn’t be there. It materially lightens my load (and Jeff’s)
when everyone does their part. Rather than resent their responsibilities, the
kids came to see them as a source of the best kind of self-esteem: They knew
their contributions were both needful and deeply valued.
And we lived happily ever after in
a spotless house where no one ever complained about chores or spent money
frivolously.
Okay, not exactly. But we did manage to keep the
focus on contribution rather than compensation. We’re in the thick of writing
college essays these days. It’s been encouraging to read my almost-adult
children put into words their hopes for their future careers: “I want to make a
difference teaching science.” “I want to help make green energy a viable
option.” I certainly hope my kids will end up with jobs that pay a fair wage,
but more than that, I hope they will end up with jobs that allow them to
contribute joyfully, working as unto the Lord. To that end, we have tried to
make our home a place of joyful contribution, perhaps not joyful in the moment –
when the cloth is on the baseboard and the knees are bent – but joyful in the
final analysis, knowing that every good effort matters. And every worker is a treasured child.
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