tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68924455845918197412024-03-13T11:49:10.492-07:00the beginning of wisdomjen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.comBlogger111125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-23863227153533518502017-03-20T19:25:00.002-07:002017-03-20T19:25:31.780-07:00the blog has moved!Jen's new site can be found at <a href="http://jenwilkin.net/">jenwilkin.net</a>. See you there!jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-22474671608362257612016-10-02T19:38:00.001-07:002016-10-02T19:38:03.171-07:00the instagram bible<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beware the Instagram Bible, my daughters – those filtered
frames festooned with feathered verses, adorned in all manner of loops and
tails, bedecked with blossoms, saturated with sunsets, culled and curated just
for you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beware lest it become for you your source of daily bread. It
is telling a partial truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I saw in my vision by night, and behold, I dreamed of a
world in which every copy of the Bible was gone, except those portions we had
preserved on Instagram. Consider this Bible, my daughters, if you will:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Its perfect squares are friend to the proverb, the promise,
and the partial quote, leaving laws, lists, land-allotments, and
long-stretching lessons to languish off-screen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It comforts but rarely convicts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It emotes but rarely exhorts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It warms but rarely warns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It promises but rarely prompts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It moves but does not mortify.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It builds self-assurance but balks at self-examination.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It assembles an iconography whose artists, by spatial
necessity, are constrained to choose<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">brevity over breadth,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">inspiration over intellect,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">devotion over doctrine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beware its conscribed canvas, where calligraphy conquers
context.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beware.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_fSCKTwuoVP530i4xy2weASI7lQfmajOs6FEzGUqIrY-2Gp0tO5gQLj7KND-rBsFtTziqOtUBOYrP-T3TThsJ-YPsLvmtbK__cQDKDIRhTe4it1oQ5QBt3Un3pMNxgTAAUXPTxQpOMocg/s1600/instagram+bible+art+4.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_fSCKTwuoVP530i4xy2weASI7lQfmajOs6FEzGUqIrY-2Gp0tO5gQLj7KND-rBsFtTziqOtUBOYrP-T3TThsJ-YPsLvmtbK__cQDKDIRhTe4it1oQ5QBt3Un3pMNxgTAAUXPTxQpOMocg/s320/instagram+bible+art+4.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the Prosperity Gospel offered us <i>all the things</i>, the Instagram Gospel offers us <i>all the feels</i>. It preaches good news in part, but we need the
whole. It may move us in the moment, but it cannot sustain us through the
storm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My daughters, do not misunderstand. Like you, I do not wish
to pull up my Insta account to find Levitical laws picked out in filigree and flowers. Nor do I desire genealogies
superimposed on sunsets. I do not harbor a puritanical hatred of beauty, nor do
I detest the illumination of a holy text by an ardent scribe. May I be the
first to hit “like” on a timeless word of encouragement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do not ask the Instagram Bible to be all things. I can
value, even enjoy it for what it is. But drawn by the glow of its inviting warmth,
I must ask myself - and you - to view it
with care,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lest we love the part in place of the whole.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lest we live as those
in a vision by night, as those ensnared in a dream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beware the Instagram Bible, my daughters. It shines a
partial light. We must know it both for what it says, and for what it does not.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-75015001471135216902016-09-02T12:05:00.000-07:002016-09-02T12:06:06.826-07:00on empty nests, christian mommy-guilt, and misplaced identity<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; font-family: proxima-nova, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 1.25em; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
I blogged over at TGC about the fear many Christian moms feel about their love for their kids competing with their love for Jesus. While there certainly are idolatrous ways to love our kids, I wanted to explore how our love for both our kids and Jesus could coexist rather than compete. I hope you find it helpful:</div>
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<span style="font-family: , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22.4px;"><a href="https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/empty-nests-christian-mommy-guilt-misplaced-identity"><b>On Empty Nests, Christian Mommy-guilt, and Misplaced Identity</b></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 1.4em;"><i>Back-to-school time is always a tough transition, not just for kids but for moms. And I’m no exception. I’ve certainly been happy-sad sending them off, though, if I’m honest, the sad is currently winning the tug-of-war by a mile.</i></span></div>
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<i>For the third time in three years, I left a piece of my heart in a dorm room at a giant university hours from home. There’s only one chickie left in the nest that used to hold four, and his traitorously giant feet are dangling over the side of it. In a short time our nest will be empty entirely.</i></div>
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<i>I walked through last week with a tape in my head chanting, “I miss them I miss them I miss them.” I thought of life after that last baby leaves and could conjure up no vision for what would come next. Meaningless, meaningless. I did the only reasonable thing: I attempted to fill the hole in my heart with cookies—a lot of cookies. I overreacted to things that normally wouldn’t have bothered me. The internal ache hurt so deeply and caused so much distraction that I once again had to face the ultimate Christian mommy-guilt question: <span style="box-sizing: inherit;">Do I love my kids too much?</span></i></div>
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<span style="box-sizing: inherit;">You can read the rest of the article {<a href="https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/empty-nests-christian-mommy-guilt-misplaced-identity">here</a>}.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-81961617876950039632016-07-30T20:21:00.001-07:002016-07-30T20:21:17.152-07:00trading self-focus for self-forgetfulness and awe<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I blogged over at Desiring God recently on a pervasive problem within women's gatherings and resources - a preoccupation with self-focus instead of God-focus. I hope you find it helpful!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/women-trade-self-worth-for-awe-and-wonder">Women, Trade Self-Worth for Awe and Wonder</a></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>If you’ve spent much time in Christian women’s circles, you may have noticed that we have devoted many gatherings to exploring our identity.</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Retreats, conferences, and topical Bible studies rush to assure us that we are redeemed and treasured, that our lives have purpose, that our actions carry eternal significance. If we just understood who we are — the message goes — we would turn from our sin patterns and our spiritual low self-esteem and experience the abundant life of which Jesus spoke.</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Recently I attended a women’s conference at which this message predictably took center stage. One after another, all three keynote speakers took us to <a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Ps%20139.14" target="_blank"><span style="border: 1pt dashed windowtext; color: #666666; padding: 0in;">Psalm 139:14</span></a>, urging us to see ourselves the way God sees us, as fearfully and wonderfully made. It could have been just about any women’s event, with just about any typical speaker. Christian women ask<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Ps 139.14" data-version="esv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Ps%20139.14" style="font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; transition-duration: 0.2s; transition-property: all; transition-timing-function: ease-in-out;" target="_blank"><span style="border: 1pt dashed windowtext; color: #666666; padding: 0in;">Psalm 139:14</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>to soothe us when our body image falters, or when we just don’t feel that smart, valuable, or capable. We ask it to bolster us when our limits weigh us down. But based on how frequently I hear it offered, I suspect the message may not be “sticking to our ribs” very well.</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Why is that?</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333;"><i>I believe it is because we have misdiagnosed our primary problem. As long as we keep the emphasis on us instead of on a higher vision, we will take small comfort from discussions of identity — and we will see little lasting change. Our primary problem as Christian women is not that we lack self-worth, not that we lack a sense of significance or purpose. It’s that we lack awe...</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can read the rest of the article {</span><a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/women-trade-self-worth-for-awe-and-wonder" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">here</a><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">}.</span></blockquote>
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jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-17671508858601124042016-05-13T11:02:00.001-07:002016-05-13T11:03:29.568-07:00our kids and our calendars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZhj3xmfb8T0porgMEYuaD29LOSn3-u5nUegzUYvpmKPxjH1lfPFPrXUfK867wuTj5dxBtpnQoK8L68y6VS6sIexdyAMYh4JK0QOC8x_kbScb2J65N423xobnzL1qT4OmaNFcaBSe5vsx1/s1600/calendar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZhj3xmfb8T0porgMEYuaD29LOSn3-u5nUegzUYvpmKPxjH1lfPFPrXUfK867wuTj5dxBtpnQoK8L68y6VS6sIexdyAMYh4JK0QOC8x_kbScb2J65N423xobnzL1qT4OmaNFcaBSe5vsx1/s1600/calendar.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On a recent Thursday night I was invited to speak at Living Hope Memphis on the topic of how to keep the family calendar from becoming overwhelmed with activities. Our discussion was framed under the overarching quest<span style="background-color: white;">ion: </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"As a Christian parent, w<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">hat is your greatest hope for your child?"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the Wilkin home the answer was, "That they would grow to know, love and serve God with everything they have." Our family calendar needed to support this hope, not work against it. Because we had four kids in four years, we had to think hard about how many and which activities to commit to. Activity options abound for both kids and parents. How could we sift through our options so that we preserved time for talking of the things of God when we "sit in our house, walk along the way, lie down, and rise up"? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In my time at Living Hope, I walked through some diagnostic questions our family used to help discern what constituted an activity that was worth committing to. I discussed how to weigh one activity option against another and suggested the countercultural possibility of the activity-less child (we had one in our home). Jeff and I certainly don't have all the answers on this, but we did see a few consistent principles emerge as we navigated the "busy years" of parenting. I hope you find the talk helpful. As with all parenting advice, take what you can use and leave the rest behind.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You can <a href="http://subsplash.com/lhsermons/v/f0f5812">watch the video here</a>.</span>jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-88171579070098792482016-04-30T09:11:00.000-07:002016-05-06T06:56:30.199-07:00my hope for readers of "none like him"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_HndnLuB1CtWZVK_ejFR9IdlsRVbgmw6GqBeAUDJYXYAH7HkNA_vEvTn0l69382hs1J6YOsH77TQIRn41r-RU9vstSLfLRciFKUOe1yY5sFRJmxjKqd36MWuvTI3Epxk6KFqO2Nz4qrv2/s1600/none-like-him-square.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_HndnLuB1CtWZVK_ejFR9IdlsRVbgmw6GqBeAUDJYXYAH7HkNA_vEvTn0l69382hs1J6YOsH77TQIRn41r-RU9vstSLfLRciFKUOe1yY5sFRJmxjKqd36MWuvTI3Epxk6KFqO2Nz4qrv2/s320/none-like-him-square.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today is the official
release date for <a href="http://www.amazon.com/None-Like-Him-Different-Thats/dp/1433549832"><i>None Like Him</i></a>! I wrote this book because of two convictions I hold regarding the importance of knowing what the Bible says about God's character. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Meditating on God's character enriches our understanding of Scripture.</b> <span style="color: #222222;">When I write my Bible studies, I ask my students to look first
for what the text says is true about God. I have found this can be a hard
question for them to answer. I know it was for me for many years. The more I learned of God’s character, the clearer it became
that the Bible was first and foremost a book about who God was before it had
anything to say about who I was. Once I began reading to discover God’s
character I was able to see my own in relation to His, rather than independent
of His. </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We don't often take time to meditate on God’s attributes beyond just a passing acknowledgment, but when we do, our time in the Word is enriched.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My prayer is that </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">None Like Him</i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> would help us become more fluent in
our vocabulary of those truths, and that we would see God and ourselves more clearly as
a result.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Meditating on God’s character is intensely practical.</b> Our daily lives would
look very different if we took God’s character into consideration. God’s
incommunicable attributes, in particular, should elicit a worshipful awe from
us that causes us to see and embrace our limitedness in light of His
limitlessness. Without that reference point, we can become convinced of our own
awesomeness and work tirelessly to sustain it. We begin striving to take on the
attributes that are not ours to possess, thus committing the idolatry the
serpent offered Eve: “you will become like Him.” Once we recognize our desire
for limitlessness as destructive, we are better able to submit willingly and
joyfully to the God-ordained limits we have been given. And we are better able
to worship Him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you’re looking for a
book to use for a small group discussion time, or just for personal reflection
or growth, I’ve structured the book with that in mind. Each of the ten short chapters
explores one attribute, and then concludes with verses for meditation, four
application questions, and a prayer. I hope you’ll keep a journal as you read,
copying out the verses and writing your reflections and personal prayers in
response to the questions. But however you use the book, I hope you’ll see God’s
character emerge from the scriptures with greater clarity, and that you’ll be
drawn to worship Him anew as you meditate on His perfections.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Happy
reading!</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-27299787318744904272016-03-29T11:27:00.000-07:002016-03-29T15:53:53.494-07:00are compatibility and complementarity at odds?<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Owen Strachan has <a href="https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/pursue-complementarity-not-compatibility">penned
an interesting piece in which</a> he states that perhaps nothing has been more damaging to
male-female relationships than the notion of compatibility. He opens with this
thought: “Compatibility. Has any concept done more to hinder the development of
love?” Such a statement must surely have in mind a narrow working definition of compatibility, something along the lines of a Match.com profile and the self-serving search
for the perfect soulmate. And I get how that's not healthy. But in complementarian marriage, is the desire for
compatibility out of place? In the minds of most, the two terms Strachan
juxtaposes would be defined briefly like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Compatibility: what is shared
between a man and a woman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Complementarity: what is
different between a man and a woman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">So, do these two ideas live in opposition to one
another?</span> We find</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> a carefully constructed story in Genesis 2 that I
believe addresses this question directly. It is a story in which God creates
man, notes he needs a suitable helper, then commands him to give names to every
living creature. The animals parade by: ostrich, camel, alligator. Adam
obediently names each one. It must have been a very long line of creatures
great and small, as Adam “gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the
heavens and to every beast of the field”. Yet none of them is a suitable
partner for him. Though half of them share his maleness, none of them share his
humanness. They are beautifully formed, but they are not formed in the image of
God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Imagine Adam’s state of mind as the animals parade past him:
“Ostrich: <i>not like me</i>. Camel: <i>not like me</i>. Alligator: <i>not like me</i>.” He becomes increasingly
aware that, though surrounded by God’s good gifts, he is in a very fundamental
sense, alone. You and I know what the solution to his aloneness will be, but
the text takes its time establishing that his state is “not good” before
pulling back the curtain. Before Eve can be prepared for Adam, Adam must be
prepared for Eve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And then, after a brief nap, Adam awakes. And there she is,
at last.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Adam bursts into poetry:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. She shall be called <i>ishah</i> (woman) because she came from <i>ish </i>(man).”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Don’t miss what Adam is saying. After the animal parade of one
<i>not-like-him</i> after another, at last he
sees Eve and rejoices that she is wonderfully, uniquely <i>like-him</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“<i>Same </i>of my <i>same</i>, <i>same</i> of my <i>same</i>. She
shall be called <i>like me</i> because she
came <i>from me</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Bible’s first word on man and woman is not what
separates them, but what unites them. It is a celebration of compatibility, of
shared humanness. Ours is not a faith that teaches “men are from Mars and women
are from Venus”. Rather, it teaches that both man and woman are from the same
garden, created by and in the image of the same God, sharing a physical, mental
and spiritual sameness that unites the two of them in a way they cannot be
united to anything else in creation. Before the Bible celebrates the complementarity
of the sexes, it celebrates their compatibility. And so should we.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To make how-we-are-different our starting point is to
reinforce the tired idea that men and women are wholly “other”, an idea that
lends itself neatly to devaluing and objectifying, rather than defending and
treasuring. It is the very idea that fuels the cultural stereotypes of the incompetent
husband and the nagging wife. I push away and discredit what is <i>not-like-me</i>. I cling to and elevate what
is <i>like-me</i>. Compatibility is what
binds us together, like two Cowboys fans finding each other in a sea of Eagles
jerseys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No one goes on a first date and remarks, “Wow, we had
nothing in common. I can’t wait to go out again.” Same-of-my-same is what keeps
man and woman in relationship when differences make them want to run for the
exit. Same-of-my-same is what transforms gender differences from inexplicable oddities
to indispensable gifts. Because my husband is fundamentally <i>like-me </i>in his humanness, the ways he is
<i>not-like-me</i> in his maleness elicit my
admiration or my forbearance, instead of my disdain or my frustration. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Compatibility. Has any concept done more to nurture the
development of love?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, no, complementarity and compatibility are not at odds. And
it is precarious to pit them against one another. Compatibility is the medium
in which complementarity takes root and grows to full blossom. Until we
acknowledge our glorious, God-ordained sameness, we cannot begin to celebrate
or even properly understand our God-given differences as men and women. This is
the clear message of Genesis 2, so often rushed past in our desire to shore up
our understanding of what it means to be created distinctly male and female. But
we cannot rush past it, any more than Adam could rush past the parade of
animals that were </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not-like-him</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. As
Genesis 2 carefully reflects, a world which lacks the beauty of shared human
sameness between the sexes is a world that is distinctly “not good”. But a
world in which compatibility undergirds complementarity is very good indeed.</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-70382625206737471912016-01-22T08:51:00.000-08:002016-01-22T09:24:09.102-08:00FAQ: how should i handle anger when disciplining?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgemkR_kGtPbUNfjZjw2KnATAPkmeaGqNWHX3n6_BdFY5_bozTBORR6LCTeSKMgtXiXF_3TdouipuHBjeihyphenhyphenN5pBjvAQ4gAbeERRl_QnR2jeLPVnuBXChQr2AxCh_W6_BaXOqzJ4mnTmbSd/s1600/FAQ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgemkR_kGtPbUNfjZjw2KnATAPkmeaGqNWHX3n6_BdFY5_bozTBORR6LCTeSKMgtXiXF_3TdouipuHBjeihyphenhyphenN5pBjvAQ4gAbeERRl_QnR2jeLPVnuBXChQr2AxCh_W6_BaXOqzJ4mnTmbSd/s320/FAQ.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Parenting small children
can feel like Groundhog Day: correcting the same behaviors over and over again,
often with no discernible improvement. When children disobey a clear expectation,
parental anger can surge as a response. What should we do with that anger? Is it
sinful? Or is there such a thing as righteous anger over the disobedience of a
child? And most importantly, how can we keep anger from corrupting an act of discipline
(training and correction) into one of retribution (getting even or vengeance)?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many parents have a
disconnect when thinking about anger and discipline: We suspect that
disobedience should never touch our emotions – that good parents are able to
correct their kids in an almost robotic, non-emotional way. It's important to
acknowledge that we will get angry when our kids disobey, and that our anger is
not sinful by definition. It turns sinful when we welcome it and use it to
justify an unmeasured response. I do think it is extremely rare that we feel
righteous anger of any kind, much less in moments of child disobedience. My
anger in those moments was almost always related to the feeling that their
disobedience was <a href="http://jenwilkin.blogspot.com/2012/05/its-not-personal.html">a personal
offense</a> against me or evidence that I was a failure at raising obedient
children. That's a dumb kind of anger. And it's a dangerous kind, because it
turns discipline into retribution lightning-fast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Power-brokers and Peace-keepers<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I believe the answer
is not to be a robot, but rather to take time to calm down and gain control
before administering discipline of any kind. We are allowed to get angry, but
we are not allowed to sin in our anger. (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204:26">Eph. 4:26</a>)
We are even allowed to express our anger on our faces or in our tone. However,
because children are not as good at filtering those expressions as adults, I believe
it's the better part of wisdom to control our outward reactions. Most children
tend toward one of two categories: power-broker or peace-keeper. The
power-broker recognizes emotional displays on our part as a sign that they are
gaining leverage. If we show our anger over a disobedient act, we can actually reinforce the behavior. The peace-keeper, on the other hand, sees
a display of anger as rejection. Seeing our anger may cause the peace-keeper
to cease disobeying, but it may also breed fear and secrecy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But if we completely hide
our anger from our kids in those moments (particularly older kids), we can miss
another training opportunity as important as the correction at hand: Modeling
how to handle anger well. We can do so by taking time to calm down before
disciplining, and by assuring our children (verbally and physically) that our
love for them is untouched by their disobedience. We can also model repentance
when our anger expresses itself rashly. We can confess it to our children and
ask forgiveness, demonstrating to both the power-broker and the peacekeeper the
power and peacefulness of humility.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Slow It Down<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; line-height: 107%;">Proverbs 14:29 warns, “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding,
but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” If ever we need to exercise great
understanding, it’s in moments of disciplining our kids. By thinking through
what triggers our anger, we can begin to repent of its sinful aspects, working
to slow it down to a safer speed. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Once the moment of conflict has passed, we
can do a personal debrief, asking ourselves what was really at the root of our
anger. Did we have a wrong expectation? Did we allow an age-appropriate lack of
self-control to get underneath our skin? Is anger our go-to response in general
when things don't go as we had planned? How could things go better the next
time?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Consider also how our own
childhood influences our discipline patterns. For the parent who grew up in an
angry home, the combination of disciplining and anger will feel either so
normal that we forget to question it, or so inseparable that we avoid
disciplining altogether. Neither of these is healthy. Sometimes, agreeing to “divide
and conquer” with our spouse can help. If your spouse has better control than
you do, consider deferring to them as the primary disciplinarian until you can
trust your own responses better. Know your triggers. If neglected chores drive
you crazy, hand off discipline to your spouse. If back-talk sets off your
spouse, maybe you are the better parent to discipline for that.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In every discipline
moment, keep in view that <a href="http://jenwilkin.blogspot.com/2014/03/our-children-our-neighbors.html">our
children are our neighbors</a>, to be loved as we love ourselves. By
remembering that they are people, we are more likely to correct rather than
avenge. If anger arises, we will temper it with compassion and forgiveness,
expressing it appropriately and disciplining out of love.</span></span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-37360535687583580132015-12-31T10:10:00.000-08:002015-12-31T10:18:51.932-08:00strategizing "time in the word" for a new year<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the start of the New Year, many Christians like to put
in place some sort of structure to help hold them accountable to the personal
habit of spending time in the Word. I’m a big fan of structure and
accountability. I need them myself in any area of my life where the good behavior that ought to happen habitually does not. But just as not all diet and exercise
plans are equally beneficial or interchangeable, neither are all accountability
systems for spending time in the Word. As you lay out your strategy for interacting
with your Bible in the coming year, here is a breakdown to help you weigh your
options.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reading Plans<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they are: </i></b>Reading
plans provide a structure for reading the entire Bible over a set period of
time. They vary in length and strategy. Some take you from Genesis to
Revelation, some go in chronological order, and some combine daily readings
from both the Old and New Testaments.<b><i><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXr6LvJzbH8-517MHBc9OxWrfrmNvQPtPzpu7ATLHkM1mK2JVBDhJ1deKQCYObA6A50ksOeA5OcDxNKlAGA9RiIyh-5OKTsQRyMWYCDc742FOIEr5XxxLG94dBLk3myxoRaLr-ecJEQWgv/s1600/open+bible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXr6LvJzbH8-517MHBc9OxWrfrmNvQPtPzpu7ATLHkM1mK2JVBDhJ1deKQCYObA6A50ksOeA5OcDxNKlAGA9RiIyh-5OKTsQRyMWYCDc742FOIEr5XxxLG94dBLk3myxoRaLr-ecJEQWgv/s200/open+bible.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they do:</i></b> Reading
plans help us cover a lot of ground in a relatively short period of time. They
give broad exposure to the Bible as a whole, helping us develop familiarity
with it from beginning to end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Who they help most:</i></b>
Reading plans help believers of any stage of maturity. Many mature believers
have never read the Bible in its entirety, and for those who have, doing so
repeatedly brings ever-increasing benefit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they don’t do:</i></b> Reading plans
don’t allow for in-depth exploration of themes or stories. Their aim is breadth
over depth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Which to choose:</i></b> Which plan
you choose is, to some degree, a matter of preference. If you are looking to
grow in Bible literacy, choose a plan that moves through each book of the Bible
from start to finish, versus one that combines OT and NT readings each day. I favor chronological
plans that move at a slow enough pace to allow time to absorb what you are
reading. If finishing in a year means you are reading faster than you are able
to retain what you are reading, slow down your schedule. <a href="http://www.ligonier.org/blog/bible-reading-plans/">Here is a list of
plans</a> you can consider.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bible Studies<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they are: </i></b>Because we
so often refer to any time we spend in the Word as Bible study, I want employ a
distinct definition here for the sake of clarity. Bible studies teach us an
entire book or major passage of the Bible from start to finish, taking time to
instruct us in context, genre, themes, and theological implications. They do so
according to time-honored rules of interpretation.<b><i> <o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they do: </i></b>Bible
studies help us slow down and “own the text”. A good Bible study teaches both
method (how to study) and content (the text it covers), and that takes time. If
reading plans are a sprint, Bible studies are a stroll.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Who they help most: </i></b>Like
reading plans, Bible studies help believers of all levels of maturity. For the
new believer, they impart much-needed tools for ongoing study, as well as
foundational comprehension and interpretation of the text. For the mature
believer, they hone skills and deepen understanding, preparing them not just
for further learning but for teaching others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they don’t do: </i></b>Bible
studies don’t move at a pace that allows for broad exposure to the Bible over a
relatively short period of time. Their aim is depth over breadth.<b><i></i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>How to choose one: </i></b>Look
for studies that ask you to do the work of comprehending and interpreting the
text, providing you with the tools to do so. The less spoon-feeding of
commentary they do, the more they will help you grow in Bible literacy. Look
for studies that ask you to work at personal discovery before they offer you
interpretation and application. I like the <a href="http://www.navpress.com/LifeChange-Bible-Studies/b/8448144011#sthash.9PvBF48H.dpbs">NavPress
LifeChange</a> series, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_10?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=kathleen+nielson&sprefix=kathleen+n%2Cinstant-video%2C168">studies
by Kathleen Nielson</a>, or you can try any of the studies I have written for <a href="https://fmwbs.wordpress.com/other-curriculum/">FMWBS</a> and <a href="http://www.lifeway.com/Keyword/jen+wilkin">LifeWay</a>. For a faster pace
with solid approach and content, <a href="http://www.nancyguthrie.com/book-dvd-list/">Nancy Guthrie’s studies</a>
are also excellent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Topical Studies<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they are:</i></b> Again,
clarity of terms matters. Topical studies differ from Bible studies in that
they seek to integrate broad concepts by pulling verses from all over the
Bible, versus moving systematically through one text. Covering topics ranging
from doctrine to finding contentment to how to be a godly parent, they offer a
Biblical framework for understanding a particular issue. <b><i><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>What they do: </i></b>Topical
studies help us explore, synthesize and apply broad concepts found in the
Bible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Who they help most: </i></b>Topical
studies offer the most help to those who have (or are working to have) a
foundational understanding of the Bible. In other words, you gain the most
benefit from them if you have given time to reading and studying your Bible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="font-style: italic;">What they don’t do: </b>Used exclusively or excessively, topical
studies offer limited help in building Bible literacy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 27.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>How to choose one: </i></b>Because
they rely so heavily on the footwork of the author/teacher, it’s wise to choose
topical studies written by those with a track record of expository (line by
line) preaching/teaching. An expository teacher is less likely to pull verses
out of context to make a point. It is also vitally important to research the
author’s theology. While you don’t have to align perfectly with their theology,
knowing their vantage point will help you think critically about what is being
taught. Tim Keller, D.A. Carson, John MacArthur, and R.C. Sproul are good
authors to start with. If you’re interested specifically in female authors,
Melissa Kruger, Jen Michel, Hannah Anderson, Megan Hill (forthcoming), Nancy
Guthrie and Gloria Furman have written excellent topical offerings in study
formats or with study guides.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A Matter of Allocation</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps the most important question to ask at the start of the new year is not “Which should I choose?” but “Which should I emphasize?”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All three of the options described above have a role to play
in our spiritual growth, as do memorization, meditation, and even devotional
reading. A new year often means evaluating where we have gotten stuck in a rut. Sometimes
a rut isn’t necessarily a bad practice, but a good practice followed to the
exclusion of other good (or better) practices. I suggest you assess where the bulk of your time has been spent when you sit
down with your Bible. Then seek to allocate it going forward in a manner that
builds both breadth and depth of understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I pray the Holy Spirit brings about fruitfulness and
maturity in you as you thoughtfully place yourself under the nurturing
authority of the Scriptures, this year and every year. Feel free to fill the
comments with additional resources you have found helpful!</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-8707002352943848302015-12-05T15:11:00.002-08:002015-12-05T15:11:35.469-08:00FAQ: should I curtail grandparent gift-giving?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know, I know…several years back you read <a href="http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/29/the-christmas-conundrum">that blog
post</a> about getting your kids four things for Christmas, and your inner
minimalist shouted “YES.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Something they want,
something they need, something to wear, something to read.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Done and done. It was a formula that allowed you to
simultaneously be a parent who was awesome <i>and</i>
a parent who had more time for Elf and eggnog. You made your minimal shopping
trips, wrapped your minimal gifts, and placed them under your minimalist tree,
awaiting Christmas morning when your kids would gently unwrap their four treasures
(“Remember, kids, Jesus only got three gifts.”) and thank you effusively for
not over-indulging them like all the other parents on the block.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-JwpwRhFeKayQogwk-P1no7EGiGERHpVYzDTTu9gPtq51QLDyHMRBavleIjbfrL2xrO-zZ-76reC8exkUMhit3yjXcrHmzVJJuzRtYp5-Wc50U2ZJ1cnNqH_ueNjwiHm_J3sh0CBsrosG/s1600/brownpaperpackages.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-JwpwRhFeKayQogwk-P1no7EGiGERHpVYzDTTu9gPtq51QLDyHMRBavleIjbfrL2xrO-zZ-76reC8exkUMhit3yjXcrHmzVJJuzRtYp5-Wc50U2ZJ1cnNqH_ueNjwiHm_J3sh0CBsrosG/s1600/brownpaperpackages.gif" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But then, the doorbell rang, with a tone less “Silver Bells”-ish
and more like the death knell of your conservatively sugared sugarplum dreams.
And Gigi and Pappaw exploded into your living room bearing half of Walmart,
wrapped in packages that in no way coordinated with your brown-paper-and-twine
aesthetic. Their eyes burned with the crazed expression young parents everywhere
recognize as a sign of OGS - Over-indulgent Grandparent Syndrome.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The gift haul was mind-boggling. Packaging materials and crumpled paper
blocked every exit. There was much squealing, but none of it seemed associated
with <i>something to read</i>. Surveying the
aftermath, you began mounting your resolve never to let this happen again. Gigi
and Pappaw must be stopped.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But must they? Have they really torpedoed Christmas? Looking
back on my own experience with dearly loved OGS-sufferers I can see how quick I
was to point out the symptoms of their illness: extravagance, impracticality,
frivolity. But I was much slower to acknowledge the symptoms of my own illness.
It turns out I was actually infected with a pretty serious case of FPS – Fretful
Parent Syndrome. It showed itself in three beliefs that, looking back, were
absolutely off-base. I offer them for your consideration, with the benefit of a little hindsight,
in case you’re thinking about dropping the hammer on the grandparents:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>1.<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></b><b>My kids will be spoiled by this.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No, they really won’t. They may
indeed look forward to Gigi and Pappaw’s visits for less than selfless reasons,
but grandparents don’t typically spend enough time with grandkids to permanently
impact their consumption patterns. Your children’s attitude toward material
possessions will not be shaped by the way they spend one day in December. The vast majority of their formative days
will be spent under your influence, not that of their grandparents or anyone
else. If you teach and model delayed gratification, practicality,
and others-focus twelve months out of the year, a few hours of extravagance at
the hands of a grandparent will be a fun memory instead of a life-altering
event.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>2.<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></b><b>I have to control this.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No, you really don’t. Resist the
urge to start placing restrictions on grandparent gift-giving. Yes, it’s true
that a donation to the college fund would have been a more practical gift than
a studio-quality Darth Vader costume, but grandparents see gift-giving as a way
to connect with their grandkids. Because it is. Gigi and Pappaw want to give a
tangible gift that will bring them to mind each time their grandchild uses it. Even
if they lack a sense of moderation in the gift-giving department, they are
entitled to give the gift of their choosing. If it is not dangerous, illegal,
immoral, or an ongoing financial commitment on your part once it is given, you
don’t need to step in. Controlling what or how much grandparents can give
communicates a lack of graciousness on our part, one our children may pick up
on. By placing requirements on grandparent gifts, we can inadvertently model a
different, but equally ugly form of entitlement to our kids.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>3.<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></b><b>I’ve been upstaged by this.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No, you really haven’t. This is a
hard one to trust, especially when Gigi and Pappaw have outspent you by a
magnitude of seven. But the grandparent relationship and the parent
relationship are simply not in competition. When you refuse to let competition
enter your thinking, you allow your child’s love for a grandparent to be what
it should be: an extension of their love for you, not a threat to it. Your children will not compare their relationship with you to their
relationship with Gigi and Pappaw any more than they would compare it to a
relationship with a sibling, friend, or teacher. Don’t fall into the trap of
believing you are competing for their love, on Christmas or any other day.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How can you know if you are free from the grip of Fretful Parent
Syndrome this Christmas? I knew I was headed for recovery when I was able to
welcome grandparent gifts without judging them, bemoaning them, or restricting
them. I learned to express genuine gratitude, both in front of my kids and in
thank-you notes. And I learned to relax in the knowledge that materialism is
kept in check in the everyday moments that God has entrusted to parents. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Perhaps most importantly, I learned to keep in mind that grandparents
themselves are a gift to our children, a vital part of the wider circle who
will cheer for them through the sun and storms that lie before them. No insecurity
of mine should jeopardize that relationship or dictate its terms. More than
that, my willingness to defer to their gift-giving choices sets an example for my
own kids that you’re never too old to look for ways to honor your parents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Minimalist parents everywhere, I salute your desire to
shepherd your kids toward simplicity. Do your best to pair it with forbearance
toward silver-haired, soft-hearted spenders with whom you share a physical
resemblance, a last name, or, at bare minimum, a deep love for your kids. Should
you find this difficult, eggnog will help.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-57009007003570686412015-10-21T09:12:00.000-07:002015-10-21T17:09:14.920-07:00let not the men keep silent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgurcFp-SBZETQhuEXCCxXazU96Z7-fQsqc4JSwWFK9-L5HyA25UmW3GBQobSisjIvFrc_hz_HaM0RhuZq4CDUOyup50UsWSzevsBIbgoC1RjCY_4G5ZMs8PEXgxMLk3FHWc-V9nEtiIjQf/s1600/megaphone-512.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgurcFp-SBZETQhuEXCCxXazU96Z7-fQsqc4JSwWFK9-L5HyA25UmW3GBQobSisjIvFrc_hz_HaM0RhuZq4CDUOyup50UsWSzevsBIbgoC1RjCY_4G5ZMs8PEXgxMLk3FHWc-V9nEtiIjQf/s200/megaphone-512.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Monday, October 5 an <a href="http://easterneronline.com/36007/letters-to-the-editor/letter-to-the-editor-stem/">open letter went viral on the internet</a>, which sets Monday, October 5 apart from
other Mondays not at all. It was written by a young man named Jared Mauldin, a senior
in mechanical engineering at Eastern Washington University, to inform the
females in his engineering classes that they would never share equality with
him. He insightfully outlined all of the obstacles these women would have faced
simply because they are women, delineating a list of sexist behaviors that were
remarkable for just how unremarkable they were. An unremarkable list on an
unremarkable Monday in October.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So why did the letter go viral?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mauldin himself speculated about the reason in an <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/women-men-engineers-arent-equal-jared-mauldin-letter_561699b9e4b0e66ad4c6bee5">interview
with Huffpost</a>:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Nothing I said
was new, it has all been said a thousand times before. <b>The difference is that I
am a man</b>," he said. "Maybe by standing up and breaking the silence
from the male side, I can help some more men begin to see the issues, and begin
to listen to the women who have been speaking about this all along."</span></i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jared Mauldin, barely out of adolescence, dropping grown-man
truth-bombs like a boss.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jared understands what I wish more men in ministry
understood. In the ongoing discussion about whether women in complementarian
churches are actually treated with the equal value that Genesis 1 bestows on them, it is
time for men to speak up on behalf of their sisters. We women can tell our shared stories to whomever may listen, but our concerns won’t likely draw notice until
our brothers perceive their validity, take them to heart, and speak them as
their own. As long as women are the ones speaking them, we are easy to dismiss
as complainers or (gasp) feminists.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jared Mauldin had eyes to see the stereotypes and gender bias that plague women who venture into fields where “they don’t belong”.
What he observed plays out in its own ways in churches, as
well. Church staffs, like most male-heavy environments, often
unwittingly perpetuate boy’s club mentalities, harmful gender stereotypes and
tokenism. I and other women have occasionally donned protective gear and <a href="http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/3-female-ghosts-that-haunt-the-church">written
on it</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frankly, we are a little weary of men encouraging us, “You should
write more on that.” No doubt, we will. But we could use their help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The U.S Department of Homeland Security, able wordsmiths
that they are, crafted a phrase to help identify potential threats to domestic
safety: “If you see something, say something.” Brothers in ministry, please consider
adopting this posture with regard to how women are treated in your churches. I
get it, maybe you haven’t seen anything. I would urge you to look more closely,
to ask more questions, and to do so in a way that invites dialogue from the
women in your church. Many women do not feel safe telling their weird and sad
stories, even when asked gently. You may need to gather them in groups in which
you are the only man present. You may need a mechanism for gathering anonymous
feedback. You may need to let your guard down a bit – most women who carry
church wounds acknowledge that no one set out to wound them intentionally. But their
stories still instruct. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brothers, seek out their stories. And then, with all the
courage of a college senior, <i>tell their stories</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bestow them with validity,
take them to heart, and speak them as your own. Stand up and break the silence.
In staff meetings, in sermons, in blog posts, shout down the practices and thinking
patterns that confine women in the church to less-than status. Your message may
not break the interwebs on an unremarkable Monday in October, but it just might
break the back of gender nonsense in your church. It might draw a much-needed line between complementarian gender distinctions and commonplace gender bias. And that would be plenty
remarkable, indeed.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-83243172000705482752015-06-29T15:32:00.005-07:002015-06-29T15:41:25.665-07:00three days of headlines<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijP6zT5TXER6asnxj4iujEGP4IGXDcLO6FYplFsKdkKEA0PprcHvTouP4IFtpAdtLTRmYm_cNjig3q_eRVSz7pYftdf_7r98kT0ik9iHAQD0gBXEa9p4gZ4l7MdxrJbi2rKcceNrVEXNPI/s1600/stock-newspaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijP6zT5TXER6asnxj4iujEGP4IGXDcLO6FYplFsKdkKEA0PprcHvTouP4IFtpAdtLTRmYm_cNjig3q_eRVSz7pYftdf_7r98kT0ik9iHAQD0gBXEa9p4gZ4l7MdxrJbi2rKcceNrVEXNPI/s320/stock-newspaper.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week was a news-maker, to say the least. I didn’t envy
those sitting at the anchor desk trying to sort out which stories to cover
first, but it wasn’t particularly easy to sit in the audience, either. Not only
is it hard to absorb the headlines, it is hard to know how to behave in light
of them. Of the many stories we were deluged with, here are four from just the
last three days, and what I pray to learn from them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Practice True Religion<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Friday, June 26, the funeral of Reverend Clementa Pinckney
was held. Pinckney was one of nine African Americans shot at a prayer meeting
in the basement of a Charleston church. James, the brother of Jesus tells us
that true religion expresses itself by <a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Jas1.27-2.1">looking out for widows and orphans</a> in
their distress. It is significant that he makes this point to introduce his
admonition not to show partiality. Reverend Clementa Pinckney leaves a wife and
two daughters, a widow and orphans created by that familiar old-time false gospel
of partiality we know as racism. How heavy a task for our President to deliver that
eulogy, himself no stranger to racism and death threats. How could he possibly look
into the eyes of Pinckney’s wife and daughters without seeing his own? <i>Lord, may partiality not be found among the
people of God. Grant me empathetic eyes to see and hands to serve the widows and orphans,
the marginalized and voiceless in my own spheres of influence. Teach me to
practice true religion. And should I see my deepest fears confirmed in someone
else’s tragedy, may “Amazing Grace” be my anthem.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Embrace the Rainbow<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Friday, June 26, with the SCOTUS ruling to legalize gay
marriage in all 50 states, my social media feed filled with rainbows and
vitriol. Even among believers, fresh water springs spewed salt water. That ancient
traitor, the tongue. “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we
curse people who are made in the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+3%3A6-11&version=ESV">likeness of God</a>.” For the believer, the
rainbow is God’s everlasting sign to remind us that mercy triumphs over
judgment. Whatever else it may be used to represent, it will always be that. <i>Lord, help me to bear that sign on my head
and my hand. In thought, word and deed, may I be an instrument of mercy rather
than judgment. May your rainbow color every line of my status updates and every
syllable of my conversations.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Scale Your Flagpole<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Saturday, June 27, Bree Newsome taught us about civil disobedience
when she climbed the flagpole in front of the South Carolina State House and removed
the Confederate flag. I had to smile
that she wore a helmet and appropriate climbing gear. Even in its riskiness, hers
was the picture of a rational act. Upon her descent, she announced matter-of
factly, “I am coming down. I am prepared to be arrested.” When Henry David
Thoreau was imprisoned in 1846 for refusing to pay a poll tax that violated his
conscience, his friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson visited him and asked, “Henry, what
are you doing in there?” Thoreau replied, “Waldo, the question is what are you
doing out there?” As I watched the coverage of Ms. Newsome I asked myself what matters
of conscience I was willing to draw disapproval for. <i>Lord, help me not to crave the approval of others or the safety of
anonymity. You have given me proper gear and a message that needs to be heard.
When truth needs a voice, may my lips not be found silent.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don’t Aid Convicts<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Sunday, June 28, police apprehended the second of two
convicts, dangerous murderers, who escaped a maximum security prison in Dannemora,
New York, paralyzing the state with fear. My first reaction to hearing of their
escape was to wonder how on earth they had pulled off such a miraculous exit.
The unsurprising answer soon became clear: They had had inside help. Winning
the confidence of prison employees, they wielded the tools of charm and bribery
every bit as well as the actual tools they secured. The longer I thought about
their story, the more I detected a spiritual parallel: How often have I been
willingly cajoled by a dangerous sin pattern to set it free from the bonds of sound
judgment? How often have I disregarded God’s law to aid and abet my past sinful
inclinations in going on a spree? <i>Lord,
teach me not to flirt with sin. Help me to see it for the killer that it is. Let
its conviction stand and its sentence be fulfilled. And should it escape its
bonds, help me to give it no quarter for the good of my soul.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The headlines can leave us feeling overwhelmed and impotent
at times. It’s true we don’t control the seasons and times. But we do control
our response to them, by the grace of God. I want to remain mindful of that. The
headlines of the past three days will wither and fade, replaced by a new crop
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. But the word of the Lord stands forever. Among
the myriad hymns Charles Wesley wrote is one that reflects on the ever-changing
nature of life. When the headlines shout that the earth has been shaken to her
foundations, its closing lines remind me of an unshakable truth:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And all things, as
they change, proclaim<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
Lord eternally the same.</span></i>jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-9805565128657998042015-06-11T18:39:00.002-07:002015-06-11T18:39:56.116-07:00for these, thy gifts<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn’t want them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It wasn’t just them, I didn’t want any pets. With a house
full of small children, the thought of taking care of one more living thing was
more than I could face. The hermit crabs had been bad enough. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It wasn’t a thousand nagging requests from the kids that did
me in, it was their resigned acceptance. On a visit to their Grammie’s house to
see her new litter of pug puppies, they were stalwart. They cradled them, they
giggled delightedly, they stroked their little round tummies and twirled their
little curly tails. But not one asked if we could take a puppy home. Not a
single completely-transparent-kid-hint was offered. Not even a mildly pleading
facial expression. Mom doesn’t like dogs. Case closed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Covered in the downy fluff of puppies cute enough to break
the Internet, not one child asked. It was official: I was a terrible mother.
The kind of mother whose “yes” was as peculiar as a solar eclipse, but whose “no”
was as predictable as sundown.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghEAsBGqG5fU8yCJ7LsSZXv9BzcarYbwmll8X5ikKOloTjPUac6QU8nmVtgl6KKMGmUmSImdaOKQrOlaNO1TZx0t5SVD0nzUzVfjkh3tRVfgCgTWSRedM2D3dmcX3gJE0jOB2_MaujJTt6/s1600/IMG_2231.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghEAsBGqG5fU8yCJ7LsSZXv9BzcarYbwmll8X5ikKOloTjPUac6QU8nmVtgl6KKMGmUmSImdaOKQrOlaNO1TZx0t5SVD0nzUzVfjkh3tRVfgCgTWSRedM2D3dmcX3gJE0jOB2_MaujJTt6/s320/IMG_2231.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tess and Tilly looking spiffy, Christmas 2014</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We brought home two. Two! Based on our child-to-puppy ratio,
it seemed like the only safe course. We had more love to give than one puppy
could absorb. So Tilly and Tess came to live at our house, and I began the
decade-long discovery of the absolute joy of saying “yes” to pet ownership. I
doubt there are two more photographed dogs in all the world. They have been
dressed in doll clothes, Halloween costumes, wigs and Christmas sweaters. Good
grief, no – we didn’t buy them outfits – people kept giving them to us. It was
like the whole world was conspiring to make me say and do things I had sworn I
would never do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For ten years, those two comical faces have brought more
moments of sheer joy and laughter to our home than I can count. Bred to be
lapdogs, their favorite activity has been to loll around on a cushion on the
fireplace hearth, bedecked in rolls of fur-upholstered fat, eyes closed to drunken
slits. We nicknamed them Gluttony and Sloth. Their constant snoring has formed the white
noise underlying the sound track of our home. Their liberal and eager affection
has been our welcome at every homecoming.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last night, Tilly drew a last ragged breath and grew still. The
fireplace hearth framed her as it had so often before. Twelve to sixteen years
- that was what Google returned the day I checked life expectancy for the breed, the day
before they came to live at my house, when I was still trying to talk myself
into it. Not ten, twelve to sixteen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A dog is all the work of a child, but it doesn’t take care
of you in your old age.” My mantra prior to the Day of the Incredible Double Yes.
Me, always eager to preach a sermon no one needs to hear. Things I said that sounded good at the time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Had she been work? I don’t remember that part. I won’t
remember that part. But I will certainly remember the rest. I wonder </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">– </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">how many other
gifts have I rejected as a burden and an inconvenience, the recipients of my
hasty No? I thought she would be a threat to my comfort. In classic
last-shall-be-first fashion, she became a source of it. I did not expect the
joy of having her; I did not expect the grief of saying goodbye. The grief, or
the gratitude. Thank you, Father, for these Thy gifts.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are not five sparrows
sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In His hand is the
life of every living thing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ten years of a good dog. The Creator numbers my days, and he
numbered hers as well. His goodness takes so many forms. Sometimes, delightfully,
that form has a wagging tail. Farewell, little friend – we feel your loss
keenly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">O God, for all creatures great and small, for this small
creature we have cherished, we give Thee thanks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For the gifts you have granted at our childlike request, we
give Thee thanks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And for the gifts we did not want, for the veto of our No, this
day we give Thee thanks, O God.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-84237062312819344822015-05-19T08:28:00.000-07:002015-05-19T08:28:01.538-07:00more pressing than women preachers<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once again the internet has been abuzz with discussions of whether women should preach in the local church gathering. Whenever the issue is raised, those who oppose it are quick to explain that the role is not withheld from women because they are less valuable than men. And that “equal value” assertion always shifts my eyes from the pulpit to a more pressing concern. As some continue to debate the presence of women in the pulpit, we must not miss this immediate problem: the marked absence of women in areas of church leadership that are open to them.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The women e-mailing me regularly are not worried about winning the pulpit. They're still facing opposition over teaching the Bible to other women. They are fighting to be seen as necessary beyond children’s ministry and women’s ministry. They are fighting to contribute more than hospitality or a soft voice on the praise team. They are looking for leadership trajectories for women in the local church and finding virtually nothing. They watch their brothers receive advocacy and wonder who will invite them and equip them to lead well. If the contributions of women are equally valued in the church, shouldn’t we see some indication in the way we staff? In who we groom for leadership, both lay and vocational?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because we don’t see that. Not even close. And we must not ignore this problem. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<img alt="" src="http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/images/made/images/remote/http_s3.amazonaws.com/tgc-ee2/articles/sunset_field_cropped_351_234_90.jpg" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block; float: right; height: auto; margin: 10px; max-width: 351px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This concern over women in the pulpit draws our attention because we regard the role of pastor highly, as we should (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Tim. 3.1" data-version="esv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Tim.%203.1" style="background: 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #78b147; line-height: inherit; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Tim. 3:1</a>). But we must be careful that our high regard doesn’t morph into idolatry. The blogosphere overflows with articles addressed specifically to pastors: how to study more effectively, how to counsel, how to mentor, how to balance work and rest, how to lead. More often than not I wonder why the author limited his audience to pastors. Why not speak to the priesthood of all believers? Much of this counsel applies equally to the roles of teacher, counselor, minister, lay leader—roles that can be filled by both men and women. Roles that, if we focused on equipping, could make lighter work for the role of pastor in a way that is, well, biblical (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Eph. 4.12" data-version="esv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Eph.%204.12" style="background: 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #78b147; line-height: inherit; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Eph. 4:12</a>). It’s no wonder serious, thoughtful Christians—men as well as women—think they need to be pastors when we represent that role as “the one for people with spiritual gifts” and devote comparatively little attention to other places of service. If we're worried about women in the pulpit, maybe the best thing we could do is to equip the entire congregation to do the work of ministry, to speak of everyone’s contributions as indispensible. Better yet, we could just do that out of obedience to God’s Word (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Cor. 12" data-version="esv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Cor.%2012" style="background: 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #78b147; line-height: inherit; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Cor. 12</a>).</span><br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have no desire to minimize the role of pastor. It’s vitally important. But I don’t think it’s good for Christians to fixate on it at the expense of other roles. We need some hands and feet to go with all these heads, and many of them are female. The sisters among us are wondering when we’ll be able to tangibly demonstrate equal value in the local church, not just affirm this value with our words. Think of the problem this way: If a young man of obvious ministry ability and gifting showed up on the doorstep of your church, who would you put him in contact with? How would you help him find his place in ministry? What opportunities would you seek out for him to cultivate his gifts and gain ministry experience? What hopes would you have for him as a leader? Now, ask yourself the same questions for a woman. If the fact that she will never fill the pulpit means you cannot imagine a ministry trajectory for her, something is wrong. What ministry might she build and run? What place on your executive staff might she fill? What committee needs her leadership? What role in the Sunday gathering needs her voice and example? Where can her teaching gift be leveraged? What blind spot or planning dilemma can she speak into? What mission effort can she spearhead?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 22.3999996185303px; margin-bottom: 1.25em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not interested in the pulpit. But I cherish the hope it will one day yield up a sermon on the priesthood of all believers: “Brothers, We Are Not All Brothers.” Treasure the brotherhood of the pastorate, but for the love of the church, invite your sisters to take a seat at the ministry table, a seat you may reflexively want to fill with a man. Debate the question of women preaching until Jesus returns if you must. But when he does, may he be greeted by a church whose practice affirms its belief that the equal value of men and women was never open to debate.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-16166378534756856392015-04-16T17:26:00.000-07:002015-04-16T17:26:09.028-07:00FAQ: should i pay an allowance for chores?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBHSyXapO8nlZiIBOghE7FYvnmij0X-3MuMp99vFrLpyczgNCDQNQlKyrDLzTWBaY9y4yLgjJYMCHKbdm22lyjiENhcCLha6liqaTKff3sWdFQ4o5hA7KSXV7IjhWOl8JyEj7wxvkBqr7-/s1600/FAQ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBHSyXapO8nlZiIBOghE7FYvnmij0X-3MuMp99vFrLpyczgNCDQNQlKyrDLzTWBaY9y4yLgjJYMCHKbdm22lyjiENhcCLha6liqaTKff3sWdFQ4o5hA7KSXV7IjhWOl8JyEj7wxvkBqr7-/s1600/FAQ.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Teaching children responsibility is a primary task for
parents. The question of whether or not an allowance should be paid for completing
chores requires parents to consider training in two areas simultaneously:
responsibility for work and responsibility for money. I don’t think that there’s
necessarily one right answer to the question of whether completion of chores
should be tied to monetary reward or not, but I can tell you how we handled the
issue and why.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>We decided not to tie
allowance to chores.</b> We set clear expectations for what the kids were
responsible for (unloading the dishwasher, doing their laundry, etc) and then
we held them to the list. If a chore was not completed in a timely or thorough
manner, we gave another deadline along with an additional chore. The longer
noncompliance occurred, the more unsavory the additional chores became. It was
a pretty effective strategy that almost never went beyond about two rounds. Let’s
just say no one wanted to clean the baseboards. Ever. (I just asked my youngest
what his least favorite chore was, and he fired off “baseboards” before I even
finished the question.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Allowance was something we just gave.</b> It was given in an amount appropriate
to their age, increasing as they got older, and going away once they were old
enough to earn money by working outside our home (babysitting, lawn-mowing).
Allowance, and any other savings, was used at their discretion to purchase
wants. We committed to cover their needs. If a child needed a new pair of
shoes, I would spend enough to cover the need – store brand sneaks. The child
could contribute the difference in price if they wanted a nicer pair. We saw
allowance as an opportunity for them to learn self-control and the difference
between needs and wants. But we didn’t treat it as compensation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>We did offer to pay for certain jobs</b> that wouldn’t be categorized
as everyday chores. If a child needed extra money, if the job was something we
would hire someone to do, or something we didn’t have time to do ourselves, we would
offer the chance to earn. Each time we had house guests, my oldest daughter
cleaned the guest room to earn money for a trip she was taking. I was so sad
when she met her goal because the job fell back to me again, and I have a bad
attitude. I keep leaving travel brochures on her pillow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why We Work</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At an event this week I had the
privilege of meeting <a href="http://workmattersbook.com/about-the-book/">Pastor Tom Nelson</a>, a man who has devoted quite a bit of
time to examining the relationship between faith and work. He articulated a
principle that I hadn’t been able to put words around, a framework for how the
believer should think about the work he or she does. He said that work ought
not to be primarily about <i>compensation</i>
but about <i>contribution</i>. As those
whose work is ultimately done for the glory of God, we ask, “How much can I contribute?”
before we concern ourselves with “How much will I receive?” Think how
differently the world would function if everyone regarded work through this
lens.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is why in our home we didn’t
tie allowance (compensation) to chores (work). Instead, we explained to the
kids that their contributions to the upkeep of domestic order were absolutely essential.
We were not merely trying to train them to obey or to be responsible, we
actually needed them to share the burden of work for our family to flourish. It
was not an overstatement. The Bible study I lead requires me to be gone twenty six
weeknights of the year. I also travel occasionally for speaking. Jeff and I explained
to the kids that they were acting as ministry partners by keeping the house in
order when I couldn’t be there. It materially lightens my load (and Jeff’s)
when everyone does their part. Rather than resent their responsibilities, the
kids came to see them as a source of the best kind of self-esteem: They knew
their contributions were both needful and deeply valued.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And we lived happily ever after in
a spotless house where no one ever complained about chores or spent money
frivolously.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, not exactly. But we did manage to keep the
focus on contribution rather than compensation. We’re in the thick of writing
college essays these days. It’s been encouraging to read my almost-adult
children put into words their hopes for their future careers: “I want to make a
difference teaching science.” “I want to help make green energy a viable
option.” I certainly hope my kids will end up with jobs that pay a fair wage,
but more than that, I hope they will end up with jobs that allow them to
contribute joyfully, working as <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians+3%3A23-24&version=ESV">unto the Lord</a>. To that end, we have tried to
make our home a place of joyful contribution, perhaps not joyful in the moment –
when the cloth is on the baseboard and the knees are bent – but joyful in the
final analysis, knowing that every good effort matters. And every worker is a treasured child.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>related post:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://jenwilkin.blogspot.com/2010/11/stuff-satisfaction-and-suburban-child.html">stuff, satisfaction, and the suburban child</a></span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-25355863884964648652015-03-27T12:45:00.000-07:002015-04-03T19:12:37.726-07:00fight like a girl<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Women's History Month is drawing to a close. Each year I think about posting about it, but March always seems to be such a busy time that I never get one written. If you've followed my writing, you know that I care a great deal about the messages the church sends to our daughters, so I didn't want this month to pass without taking the opportunity to help my readers think along those lines. Since I haven't had time to write, I thought I'd point you toward a teaching I gave recently in which w</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e spent some time looking at women's history as recorded in the book of Exodus.</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to address a group of college women on the topic of how they should view their importance to the church. My main point was this: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Women, you are not an afterthought. What you contribute
to the mission of the church is not of secondary importance.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I talked about the female empowerment message of the "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs">Like a Girl</a>" ad that ran during the Super Bowl, noting that female empowerment messages transcend Super Bowl
ad campaigns. The Bible, in fact, paints a compelling picture of what it means to fight
like a girl.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a message given by a female to</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> a female audience, so it covers some ground you might never hear preached from a pulpit. But that's exactly why women teaching women is such a needed layer of discipleship. If you're a guy, don't let that scare you from listening along. If the church is to embrace a strong vision of womanhood, both men and women will need to value it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can watch or listen to the 35-minute message here:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>{ <a href="http://breakawayministries.org/Resources/talks/Fight-Like-a-Girl">Fight Like a Girl</a> }</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-70916144032610549792015-03-09T18:28:00.000-07:002015-03-09T18:28:53.334-07:00advice to writers: get a “freditorial” team<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV2QbLZG4f9aCWq9or7PkdzAR4Qtz84tkdf6kmNnjJoBHdzXrwdWJUETGJckzDZsyWhlU86KI0DPqbsxdq4riizlGixARZiG74S4IWzZ9lpqWey2UD708cWKTT2BPF2b-0h8tKjoJ4KWa/s1600/edit+icon+for+blog.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV2QbLZG4f9aCWq9or7PkdzAR4Qtz84tkdf6kmNnjJoBHdzXrwdWJUETGJckzDZsyWhlU86KI0DPqbsxdq4riizlGixARZiG74S4IWzZ9lpqWey2UD708cWKTT2BPF2b-0h8tKjoJ4KWa/s1600/edit+icon+for+blog.png" height="200" width="180" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Prov 11:14 …</i><i><span style="background: rgb(253, 254, 255); color: #001320;">in an abundance of counselors there is
safety.</span></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blogging is not for the faint of heart -- anyone who has ever
read blog comments is aware of this. As a writer, my hope is always to be read
and understood. This doesn’t mean that I expect my readers to always agree with
me, but that their agreement or disagreement would be formed based on an
accurate reading of my message. Because of this, I never post without the help
of my “freditors” – my friend editors who offer feedback as co-laborers in my
writing ministry. The more trusted eyes I can get on a post before it goes up,
the more assured I can be that it communicates what I intend with as few errors
as possible. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, when other writers ask me for writing advice, I don’t
offer style tips or opinions on the Oxford comma (clearly, it’s awesome),I start
with this: Get a freditorial team and use it consistently. What kinds of
freditors have proven the most useful? Here’s who I have on my team:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Casual Reader<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I need this person to read the
post like the average person will read it. I’m not looking for much other than
how it hit them – what were their overall impressions and take-aways from the
piece? Did they understand what they read? It helps if the Casual Reader is
familiar with what other bloggers are writing about. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Writer<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This person critiques me on mechanics,
style and word choice. She helps me reorganize my arguments when they don’t
flow. She is a gorgeous writer herself, and she will call me out if I forget to
pair clarity with artistry. She says things like “There’s a rhythm problem in
this sentence.” I love that.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Theology Police<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This person checks to make sure I’m
not a heretic. Sometimes the smallest word choice makes the difference between
truth and error, and one set of eyes won’t always catch the nuance. I don’t
have formal theological training, so I don’t need to be convinced of my need for
the Theology Police. I tend to think that even if I did have formal training I’d
still want this layer of help. I never want to place beautiful words around
faulty thinking.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Devil’s Advocate <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the person I can rely on
to nitpick. She drives me crazy, but it’s the good kind of crazy. She reads
looking for controversy or holes in my logic. She’s basically like a rational blog
commenter who gets to see an early draft. She says things like, “You can’t
possibly do justice to this topic in 750 words.” She also says things like, “Did you write this
mad? I don’t think you should write mad.” Which usually makes me mad. But she’s
right.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Man<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I need a perspective from the
other gender, The Man helps me out. And even though we’ve been married for over
20 years, he never complains. But sometimes The Man needs to be a man I’m not
married to. Since Jeff helps me process my thoughts so much before they turn
into writing, I may need a fresh set of male ears to hear them once they turn
into a post. The Man helps me avoid unintentionally communicating gender
stereotypes. He also helps me write in a voice both men and women can hear.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Doppelganger<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This person thinks like me. She
cares about the same topics I do and thinks about them extensively. (She's actually much smarter than me. She's like me, smarter.) I send her my
drafts to make sure I’ve represented my thoughts and positions accurately.
Sometimes I can get so close to a topic that I get sucked into the small points
without clearly articulating the big ones. The Doppelganger makes sure I have
not assumed anything as general knowledge and helps me keep the main point the
main point.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Specialist<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Specialist provides help on an
as-needed basis. If I am writing about worship music, I send the post to a
worship leader. If I’m writing to pastors, I ask a couple of pastors to read. I
once sent a post to a person of another religion to make sure I hadn’t
misrepresented his beliefs in a point I had made. I recognize I’m a prisoner of
my own experience to a certain extent. The Specialist helps me write balanced
content.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know, that’s a big team. But I don’t use every freditor on
every post - a few posts go to the whole team, most go to some combination, all
go to at least one. One freditor may fill more than one role, depending on the
piece. But nothing goes up on my blog with zero frediting.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When you read a post on a major platform, it has probably
been critiqued by a team of editors before it posts. When you read a personal
blog, this may not be the case. The larger a person’s platform, the less likely
it is that they are just typing out their thoughts and hitting “post” when they’re
done. But I don’t think writers should wait for a big platform to begin seeking
more eyes on their drafts. The last thing a blogger wants is to write a post
with a gaping error or miscommunication in it, only to find out too late that
her words have brought down a hailstorm of justified criticism.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All bloggers learn to expect critique – that’s part of the double-edged
privilege of having a platform. Critique doesn’t bother me, but my own poor
editing or unintended lack of clarity do. Personally, I’d rather avoid having
my post’s limitations exposed by anonymous commenters after it goes live. I’d
much rather do due diligence by consulting the input of people I respect and
trust before I post anything in the first place. Then, when critique comes, I’m
able to remind myself that my words were weighed. There’s peace in knowing that
the people who know me best have my back. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, my best writing advice is this: Let iron sharpen iron. If
you blog, build a freditorial team. Through both affirmation and correction, they
will hone your writing, helping you communicate with precision and integrity. A
writer can ask for no truer friends than those.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-3213264832083905222015-02-12T02:00:00.000-08:002015-02-12T04:43:42.057-08:00three female ghosts that haunt the church<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF6mFFsmcXRQ0rYGxD3pJi7i0398FPXx_A1eXMZqihyphenhyphengpYn5GhJHvGpOYCZ5ZfnWnZX_kK73Iiq3HvZpK4Bh5DMtwcYrUWiv_6gG-pkq2syx-eg2v2yBI1zhfFa89vHWt3Ikbl_5CtfAKZ/s1600/woman+shadow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF6mFFsmcXRQ0rYGxD3pJi7i0398FPXx_A1eXMZqihyphenhyphengpYn5GhJHvGpOYCZ5ZfnWnZX_kK73Iiq3HvZpK4Bh5DMtwcYrUWiv_6gG-pkq2syx-eg2v2yBI1zhfFa89vHWt3Ikbl_5CtfAKZ/s1600/woman+shadow.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never forget the first time I met my pastor. Our family
had been at the church for two years before a meeting with another staff member
threw me into his path. The first words out of his mouth were, “Jen Wilkin.
You’ve been hiding from me!” A giant grin on his face, he draped me in a
friendly hug, and then proceeded to ask me about the people and things I cared
about. He kept eye contact. He reflected back what I was saying. I was
completely thrown off. I don’t remember what books were on his desk or what
artwork hung on the walls, but I left his office that day with a critical piece
of insight: this room is not haunted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was right—I had been hiding. Coming off several years of
“part-time” ministry at our previous church, my husband, Jeff, and I were weary
and in no hurry to know and be known by the staff at our new church. But as a
woman with leadership background, I had other hesitations as well. Any woman in
ministry can tell you that you never know when you’re walking into a haunted
house.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you’re a male staff member at a church, I ask you to consider
a ghost story of sorts. I don’t think for a minute that you hate women. I know
there are valid reasons to take a measured approach to how you interact with us
in ministry settings. I absolutely want you to be wise, but I don’t want you to
be haunted. Three female ghosts haunt most churches, and I want you to
recognize them so you can banish them from yours.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These three ghosts glide into staff
meetings where key decisions are made. They hover in classrooms where theology
is taught. They linger in prayer rooms where the weakest among us give voice to
hurt. They strike fear into the hearts of both men and women, and worse, they
breathe fear into the interactions between them. Their every intent is to
cripple the ability of men and women to minister to and with one another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Though you may not always be aware these ghosts are hovering,
the women you interact with in ministry frequently are. I hear ghost stories
almost on a weekly basis in the e-mails I receive from blog readers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The three female ghosts that haunt us are the Usurper, the
Temptress, and the Child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">1. The Usurper</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This ghost gains permission to haunt when women are seen as
authority thieves. Men who have been taught that women are looking for a way to
take what has been given to them are particularly susceptible to the fear this
ghost can instill. If this is your ghost, you may behave in the following ways
when you interact with a woman, particularly a strong one:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You find her thoughts or opinions vaguely threatening, even when
she chooses soft words to express them.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You speculate that her husband is probably a weak man (or that
her singleness is due to her strong personality).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You feel low-level concern that if you give an inch she will
take a mile.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You avoid including her in meetings where you think a strong
female perspective might rock the boat or ruin the masculine vibe.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You perceive her education level, hair length, or career path as
potential red flags that she might want to control you in some way.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your conversations with her feel like sparring matches rather
than mutually respectful dialogue. You hesitate to ask questions, and you tend
to hear her questions as veiled challenges rather than honest inquiry.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You silently question if her comfort in conversing with men may
be a sign of disregard for gender roles.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">2. The Temptress</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This ghost gains permission to haunt when a concern for avoiding
temptation or being above reproach morphs into a fear of women as sexual
predators. Sometimes this ghost takes up residence because of a public leader’s
moral failure, either within the church or within the broader Christian subculture.
If this is your ghost, you may behave in the following ways when you interact
with a woman, particularly an attractive one:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You go out of your way to ensure your behavior communicates
nothing too emotionally approachable or empathetic for fear you’ll be
misunderstood to be flirting.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You avoid prolonged eye contact.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You silently question whether her outfit was chosen to draw your
attention to her figure.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You listen with heightened attention for innuendo in her words
or gestures.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You bring your colleague or assistant to every meeting with her,
even if the meeting setting leaves no room to be misconstrued.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You hesitate to offer physical contact of any kind, even
(especially?) if she is in crisis.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You consciously limit the length of your interactions with her
for fear she might think you overly familiar.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You feel compelled to include “safe” or formal phrasing in all
your written and verbal interactions with her (“Tell your husband I said
hello!” or “Many blessings on your ministry and family”).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You Cc a colleague (or her spouse) on all correspondence.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You silently question if her comfort in conversing with men may
be a sign of sexual availability.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">3. The Child</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This ghost gains permission to haunt when women are seen as
emotionally or intellectually weaker than men. If this is your ghost, you may
behave in the following ways when you interact with a woman, particularly a
younger one:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You speak to her in simpler terms than you might use with a man
of the same age.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your vocal tone modulates into “pastor voice” when you address
her.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In your responses to her, you tend to address her emotions
rather than her thoughts.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You view meetings with her as times where you have much insight
to offer her but little insight to gain from her. You take few notes, or none
at all.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You dismiss her when she disagrees, because she “probably
doesn’t see the big picture.”</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You feel constrained to smile beatifically and wear a “listening
face” during your interactions with her.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You direct her to resources less scholarly than those you might
recommend to a man.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These three ghosts don’t just haunt men; they haunt women as
well, shaping our choice of words, tone, dress, and demeanor. When fear governs
our interactions, both genders drift into role-playing that subverts our
ability to interact as equals. In the un-haunted church where love trumps fear,
women are viewed (and view themselves) as allies rather than antagonists,
sisters rather than seductresses, co-laborers rather than children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Surely Jesus models this church for us in how he relates to
the <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/Luke%2010%3A38/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0782c1;">role-challenging boldness of Mary of Bethany</span></a>,
the <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/Mark%2014%3A3-9/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0782c1;">fragrant alabaster offering of a repentant seductress</span></a>,
the <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/Matthew%209%3A20/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0782c1;">childlike faith of a woman with an issue of blood</span></a>.
We might have advised him to err on the side of caution with these women. Yet
even when women appeared to fit a clear stereotype, he responded without fear.
If we consistently err on the side of caution, it’s worth noting that we
consistently err.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do some women usurp authority? Yes. Do some seduce? Yes. Do some
lack emotional or intellectual maturity? Yes. And so do some men. But we must
move from a paradigm of wariness to one of trust, trading the labels of
usurper, temptress, child for those of ally, sister, co-laborer. Only then will
men and women share the burden and privilege of ministry as they were intended.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My most recent meeting with my pastor stands out in my memory as
well. He’s often taken the time to speak affirming words about my ministry or
gifting. On this occasion, he spoke words I needed to hear more than I
realized: “Jen, I’m not afraid of you.” Offered not as a challenge or a
reprimand, but as a firm and empathetic assurance. Those are the words that
invite women in the church to flourish. Those are the words that put ghosts to
flight. </span></span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-75835013274521934522015-01-22T11:49:00.000-08:002015-01-22T11:49:35.367-08:00are you an isolationist or a curator?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm0IFR8OnfXAqQ4G9vfULFBVHhI5GowEXDciEAkOS3UDXYbPczDq31-wjr3BmJL8cBSgFp_T-e4eItA59bN3ZHWJvVGRonR3mxU0cp4KJYR-B3fELGaBB4yAQQD1EAcXPIpIK4mkBlGKD/s1600/balance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm0IFR8OnfXAqQ4G9vfULFBVHhI5GowEXDciEAkOS3UDXYbPczDq31-wjr3BmJL8cBSgFp_T-e4eItA59bN3ZHWJvVGRonR3mxU0cp4KJYR-B3fELGaBB4yAQQD1EAcXPIpIK4mkBlGKD/s1600/balance.jpg" height="78" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a Bible study teacher I
encounter two extremes when the question of studying the Bible is raised. First
is the “isolationist”, the person who believes all she needs is personal Bible
study to grow in Godly wisdom. She doesn’t need hand-holding from a teacher or
theologian – she just needs a journal, a pen, her Bible and the Holy Spirit. She
sees any effort to systematize her reading of Scripture as an attempt to
conform the wisdom of God to the wisdom of man, thereby distorting what was
already pure and sufficient. In her zeal to elevate the importance of God’s Word,
she misinterprets the idea of Sola Scriptura to mean that no teaching outside
of Scripture is necessary for her understanding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the other extreme is the “curator”,
the person who, for all intents and purposes, believes she can’t navigate Scripture
on her own at all. She finds the Bible largely incomprehensible or boring, preferring
the study of doctrine (through teaching, books, podcast or topical studies) to
the study of Scripture itself, substituting learning what others say about the
Bible for actually learning the Bible. While she may never have consciously
intended to devalue personal study of Scripture, over time she grows
increasingly content to be a curator of opinions about a Book she does not read,
effectively operating under her own credo of Sola Doctrina.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most of us fall somewhere
between these two extremes, but it is important to ask ourselves honestly which
of them we lean toward: are we more of an isolationist or a curator? Isolationist
Bible study holds as much potential danger to our spiritual health as a curator
approach. The isolationist must humbly acknowledge her own intellectual limits,
confessing her need for the help of those with the grace-granted gift of
teaching. The curator must humbly acknowledge her overdependence on the intellect
and gifting of others, confessing her tendency to use study of doctrine as a
substitute for study of Scripture. Both extremes must acknowledge the very real
presence and danger of false doctrine. Lacking an outside perspective, the isolationist
can unwittingly invent her own false doctrine. Lacking first-hand knowledge of
Scripture, the curator can fail to discern the difference between true and
false teaching, choosing whatever position appeals to her the most. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you gravitate toward Bible-only study you may need to
remind yourself to allocate some time for doctrine. God gifts the church with
teachers for the purpose of pointing us to truth in the context of community. Isolationism
discounts the Bible’s assertion that we are members of one body,
each part needing the other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you gravitate toward doctrine-only study, you may need to
reclaim time for personal study of the Bible. God commands you to love Him with
all of <i>your</i> mind, not just with
someone else’s mind. Curatorship chooses the fallible words of man over the eternal,
unchanging, inerrant Word of the Lord.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, work to find parity between these two extremes. Make an
honest appraisal of your current tendency toward either isolationism or
curatorship. Acknowledge how pride might be influencing whichever end of the
spectrum you are drawn to. And seek to strike a balance between the treasure of
personal study and the gift of sound instruction. We need to know how to study
the Bible on our own, and we need to put that knowledge into practice. But we
also need the insights of those God has gifted to teach us. Personal study
sharpens our awareness of the strengths and limitations of our teachers. Sound
teaching sharpens our awareness of our own strengths and limitations as students.
Both are needed for a Christ-follower to grow in wisdom. Both in balance are
worthy of our time.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-13501528753835208522014-12-23T11:46:00.000-08:002014-12-23T11:47:35.220-08:00the longing of angels<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghpBdFs8K3kdm6b9zOOLrySgWxA8xVKxjcvYljGx1L9PRc0QzTaPj9kj-nxiZf0dkvnNTtj_WQIWka8EdVWUSK1qCVN3QU_e7mztOahP4T8WntwQFoVYfro9lergxhcLaA0NufKqITBTCf/s1600/angel+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghpBdFs8K3kdm6b9zOOLrySgWxA8xVKxjcvYljGx1L9PRc0QzTaPj9kj-nxiZf0dkvnNTtj_WQIWka8EdVWUSK1qCVN3QU_e7mztOahP4T8WntwQFoVYfro9lergxhcLaA0NufKqITBTCf/s1600/angel+1.jpg" height="157" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wanted to be the angel.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Christmas Eve living nativity was populated with my
classmates – cotton-ball beards for the shivering pint-sized shepherds, a blue tablecloth
draped over Mary’s head, a plastic doll nestled in her arms that looked
suspiciously female. Joseph in a bathrobe repurposed for the occasion. And
presiding above the hallowed scene, swathed in the gossamer of a nylon curtain
her mother had edged with gold ric-rac, a tinsel halo trembling above her brow,
the angel. Amy Snow, she of the blonde curls and blue eyes, the ivory skin, petite
and angelic in every sphere from spelling class to Sunday school. It had to be
cold in that costume, perched at the top of a ladder, but she looked positively
serene.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not picked. Gangly, tomboyish, brown-haired, brown-eyed,
un-angelic. I shuffled past the scene, hardly noticing the live donkey brought
in to heighten the realism. I wanted to be the angel. Any elementary school girl
can tell you that the angel is living nativity gold.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I grew older, I took some satisfaction in learning that
angels in the Bible were not actually female. Not petite, and often fearsome. Messengers
who delivered the words of the Lord, but who never played the starring role (take
that, Amy Snow). But I found that I still wanted to be an angel, and not just
on Christmas Eve. When sorrow or difficulty visited my life I sometimes considered
how much better it would be to enjoy the sinlessness known by the angels, to
get to dwell in the very presence of God where my whole purpose was to give Him
the worship he deserved. Uncomplicated. Pure. It’s no wonder so many people
believe they will become angels when they die.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I wonder if being an angel would truly be that simple.
Watching humanity labor under the burden of sin and sorrow across millennia. Warring
against those they once called brothers, fallen angels for whom there is not a
whisper of redemption possible. Blasting the trumpet of judgment as often as
the trumpet of joy. Never knowing sin, yes, but also never knowing grace as
those shepherds in a field on a dark night would know it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have stopped longing to be the angel. The older I grow the
more I understand the treasure of the gospel, a message announced by angels but
not within their experience to comprehend. The sinless creature cannot savor firsthand the sweetness of salvation. The message the angels heralded was not for
them. The fullness of the gospel, displayed in the finished work of Christ,
which prophets of old saw in part and labored diligently to understand, that
message is for the sons of Earth – a <i>thing
<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+1%3A10-12&version=ESV">into
which angels long to look</a></i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you worship the Lord this Christmas Eve, as you sing of angels
in glorious array, ponder this thought: the gospel announced in the form of an
infant is for you. It is the hope of ages, the light in the darkness of our
sin, the mystery of redemption that only fallen man can fully know. It is the
longing of angels.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On this night of remembrance, do not envy the angels. For gazing on the mystery of the incarnation, the angels envy us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">And
the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great
joy that will be for all</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">the people.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><b><sup style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="background: white;"><span id="en-ESV-24976" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"> </span></span></sup></b><span style="background: white;">For</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">unto you is born this day
in</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">the city of David</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">a Savior, who is</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">Christ</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">the Lord. -- Luke 2:10-11</span></span></i></span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-59879325988513981532014-12-04T08:59:00.000-08:002014-12-05T06:00:14.602-08:00how salvation brings freedom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScobU1qiXlu3oZBifdPpKo461ysRUegEKwg3MAuJICf5oWw8yaXlgoNm3fINjtMXSYCHlxbthlkuDbAXmgaZPrLVs8i8xNCJLqe_hqTaSAkFsWuExStAcurDlIOEL9ZJU5xqsJlLR8T11/s1600/birdcage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScobU1qiXlu3oZBifdPpKo461ysRUegEKwg3MAuJICf5oWw8yaXlgoNm3fINjtMXSYCHlxbthlkuDbAXmgaZPrLVs8i8xNCJLqe_hqTaSAkFsWuExStAcurDlIOEL9ZJU5xqsJlLR8T11/s1600/birdcage.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I grew up in the Bible Belt where, by mid-elementary, most of
the kids in my peer group could point proudly to a note written in the front of
their Bibles announcing the exact date they Got Saved. At junior high youth
rallies the Rededications began, along with a smattering of I-Thought-I-Was-Saved-But-I-Really-Wasn’t's (scribble over that first date and write in the new one). Through all
seven verses of “Just As I Am”, and all four years of high school, we children
of the Bible Belt battled our doubts and bustled our backslidden selves down aisles
to altar rails. Maybe, we thought, this time just maybe the Saving will stick.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Where's the Freedom?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our problem was this: our sinning had not ceased with our professions of faith. The salvation that had promised us new life in Christ had
by all appearances failed to deliver. We still made all the same mistakes, and
along the thorny path of adolescence we added fresh failures to the list.
Damning evidence, or so we thought, that when we Prayed The Prayer we had
somehow not done it right. Where was the freedom from sin we had been promised?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looking back I wonder if, for many of us, our problem was
not with salvation itself, but with our understanding of how the freedom of our
salvation actually occurred. It was not until my early twenties that I gained
any clarity on this issue. I knew I served a God who <i>was and is and is to come</i>, but I had yet to learn that I possessed
from Him a salvation of which the same could be said. Salvation from sin can be
broken down into three categories: justification, sanctification and
glorification. For the believer, our justification <i>was</i>, our sanctification <i>is</i>,
and our glorification <i>is to come</i>. We
were saved, we are being saved, we will be saved. I've found the easiest way to understand
these three forms of freedom is to remember the three P’s: penalty, power, and
presence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Justification: Freedom From Sin’s <i>Penalty</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we came to saving faith in Christ, confessing our great
need of him and asking for forgiveness from the punishment we deserved, we were
met with God’s unequivocal “yes”. Christ bore the penalty for our sins,
therefore we received freedom from that penalty for all sins past, present and future. We were justified before God
our judge because our penalty had been paid. Those who have been justified
never need re-justifying. We can look back to the time of our justification
(perhaps written in the front of our Bible?) and know that there is <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8%3A1-2&version=ESV">no
condemnation</a> for those who are in Christ Jesus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our justification is behind us. It is a past occurrence. We <i>were saved </i>from sin's penalty.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sanctification: Freedom From Sin’s <i>Power</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now that the grace of God has been set upon us as a <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+1%3A20-22&version=ESV">permanent
seal</a>, we are being made new. We are being set free from the power of sin by
the power of the Spirit. God’s grace is restoring to us a will that wants what
he wants. Before we were justified, our broken wills were utterly subject to
the power of sin. We chose sin at every turn. Even when we made choices that appeared
good from an external standpoint, because we had no higher internal purpose
than to glorify self these choices were ultimately sinful as well. Now, the
power of sin is broken in our lives. We have been given the deposit of the Holy
Spirit. Though we once chose only to sin, now we have the power (and the growing desire) to choose
righteousness. We who were once slaves to sin’s power are now free to serve God.
We don’t always use our freedom. We still sin, but over time we learn
increasingly to choose holiness. Our entire lives from that handwritten date in
our Bibles onward are devoted to “<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+2%3A12-18&version=ESV">working
out our salvation</a>” as we learn to choose righteousness instead of sin, to walk
in obedience to God’s commands.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our sanctification is ongoing. It is a slow-moving growth in
holiness. We <i>are being saved </i>from sin's power.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Glorification: Freedom From Sin’s <i>Presence</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We will fight to grow in holiness our entire earthly lives.
But when we have run the race and fought the good fight, we will enter into the
presence of the Lord forever. We will be glorified. In His presence, our soul-rest
will at last be complete, as sin and its devastation will cease to assail us. There
can be no sin in His presence. Though now we are surrounded on all sides by
sinfulness, though now sin continues to cling to our hearts, on a day not too
distant we will go to a place where sin is no more. In our glorification we
will at last be granted freedom from the very presence of sin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our glorification is future. It is the day we trade the persistent
presence of sin for the perfect presence of the Lord. We <i>will be saved </i>from sin's presence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Rest, Labor, Hope</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I and my childhood peers had understood these three
aspects of salvation’s freedom better, we might have saved ourselves a great
deal of anxiety and a few trips down the aisle. The knowledge that sin is
gradually overcome across a lifetime would have been good news to the teenager
who thought surely her ongoing sin invalidated her profession. The knowledge that
sanctification is hard work would have helped her topple the myth of the effortless
stock-photo Christian life. The knowledge that total freedom from sin was a
future certainty would have helped her ask in faith for grace for her current
failures.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe you, too, have found salvation mystifying. Maybe you’ve
wondered, “If I’m really saved, why don’t I feel fully free?” You’re not yet,
but you will be. Our complete freedom from sin is certain, but it is not
sudden. So we rest confidently in our
justification, we labor diligently in our sanctification, and we hope expectantly
in our glorification.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be assured of your justification. It <i>was</i>. One day, you were freed fully from the penalty of sin.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be patient with your sanctification. It <i>is</i>. Each day, you are being freed increasingly from the power of
sin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be eager for your glorification. It </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is to come</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. One day, you will be freed finally from the presence of
sin.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-31560367683884734712014-11-13T18:18:00.000-08:002014-11-13T18:23:42.512-08:00which promises are for me?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk5Zvyw6HOYC1t3yktNK-IC0V-ZVp6M5aXQDM-mgpsg9_R7NaKAa72wN1uYZcKXcTGjvegrbAbrdZcISoZ0Wxd6VpvN0Yde2QxoBMREnVkwtCiOJzkFhdu4q1MMREF7V_x8QSaUwz85smw/s1600/got_plans_mug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk5Zvyw6HOYC1t3yktNK-IC0V-ZVp6M5aXQDM-mgpsg9_R7NaKAa72wN1uYZcKXcTGjvegrbAbrdZcISoZ0Wxd6VpvN0Yde2QxoBMREnVkwtCiOJzkFhdu4q1MMREF7V_x8QSaUwz85smw/s320/got_plans_mug.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not many things are more comforting than a promise made and
kept. And not many things are more hurtful than a promise broken. Knowing we
worship a God who keeps his promises is a source of deep joy. But misapplied,
this knowledge can also lead us to treasure-hunt Scripture for promises in
problematic ways. How can we know which promises are for us? How can we lay
claim to the promises of the Bible without overstepping their application? Here
are some common pitfalls to keep in mind as you study:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Confusing a
promise with a principle.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Promises are always fulfilled 100% of the time. Principles
state general truths. The book of Proverbs is often mistaken for a book of
promises, when in fact it is a book of principles. The </span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=prov+22%3A6&version=NKJV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">principle</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
of “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart
from it” is generally true and is wise to heed. But it is not a guarantee that
every child who is raised with godly instruction will become a believer.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ignoring the context.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> We often apply a promise to ourselves before considering its
original audience or its historical, cultural or textual context. In some
cases, a promise was made to a specific person for a specific reason and has no
further application beyond its immediate context. In other cases, the
application can only be properly made after the promise is understood in its
original context.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God’s </span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=gen+12%3A1-3&version=ESV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">promise
to Abram</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of land and offspring cannot be taken to mean God will give me a
house or children. It can, however, be applied to mean he will give me a
spiritual inheritance through Christ.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Overlooking the “if”.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
Promises that contain an “If” require some form of obedience before we can
expect them to come to pass in our lives. They are conditional. If we want to
claim them, we had better be ready to act in obedience to what they require.
God grants us wisdom if we ask (</span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+1%3A5" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">James 1:4</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">).
But we have to ask. Often “if” promises of blessing are accompanied by corresponding
“if” warnings about disobedience. We tend to celebrate God’s promises of
blessing and sideline his promises of chastisement, though both point to a
faithful God. It’s tough to find a coffee mug that sports </span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+12:6" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hebrews 12:6</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.
Which leads us to...</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Choosing a
promise selectively.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> We tend to favor those promises that appeal to our own
best case scenario. We quote Exodus 14:14 in a crisis: “The LORD will fight for
you; you need only to be still.” But we neglect to note that three chapters
later in Exodus Israel was commanded not to stand still, but to fight her
enemies. In spiritual battles, sometimes we should stand still and sometimes we
should fight. Better to ask God for wisdom as to which response is called for
than to claim a promise that is not universally applicable.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Using a promise
manipulatively.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Sometimes we employ a verse as a promise because we want God
to act a certain way. Probably the most abused passage in this category is “Where
two or three are gathered in my name” (</span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mat+18%3A19-20&version=ESV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mat
18:19-20</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">). Not only do we use it out of context, we use it to try to coerce
God into doing what we ask simply because we have gathered the requisite number
of people to ask it. God’s promises to us should help us submit to His will,
not bend Him to ours.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Limiting a promise
to your own understanding</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Even when we rightly recognize a promise as
intended for us, we often impose our own understanding of exactly how it will
be fulfilled. Or we are tempted to impose our own timeline on its fulfillment. Yes,
God does have a plan to prosper you and not to harm you (</span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=jer+29%3A11&version=NIV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jer
29:11</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">), but as in the case of the people to whom those words were
originally written, that “you” is more likely a collective reference to the
body of believers, and that </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">plan may
play out across centuries in ways we can’t possibly predict. To recognize this
does not diminish the beauty of the promise at all. It actually enhances it.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can we avoid these promise-claiming pitfalls? Our
long-term strategy must be to move from spot knowledge of the Bible to comprehensive
knowledge. In the short-term, try these helps:</span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do your homework. </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before you write it on a note card for your fridge, before
you post it on </span>Instagram<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> or shop for it on a coffee mug or declare it your life
verse, make a thorough study of where your promise lives in Scripture and in biblical
history. Make sure it’s a general
promise, not a specific promise to someone else or a general principle to
observe. Check for any “ifs” that might change its application.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check your motive. </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If a promise in Scripture appeals to you, ask yourself why.
What fear or need underlies your desire to claim that promise for yourself?
What security are you looking for beyond the soul security you are guaranteed
in Christ? Does claiming that promise help you submit to God’s rule? Are you defining
its fulfillment in terms of your own limited understanding? Would its
fulfillment help you grow in godliness and humility?</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And remember, the Bible is full of unambiguous promises from our triune God that we
can celebrate with certainty. Here is a smattering of my favorites:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises to give us wisdom if we ask (James 1:5).</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises to provide a way out of temptation (1 Cor 10:13).</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises that our salvation is secure, no matter what
(John 10:28-29).</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises to never leave us nor forsake us (Heb 13:5).</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises to finish the good work he has begun in us (Phil
1:6).</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He promises to come back (Luke 12:40)</i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These promises are sure and steadfast. Do you notice that
they have much more to say about who God is or how He is sanctifying us than
about a specific circumstance or outcome? We are not promised certainty in our
circumstances, but we are promised certainty in the God of our circumstances. And
that, brothers and sisters, is an anchor for the soul.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-69603096236138898672014-10-22T09:10:00.000-07:002014-10-22T09:14:26.777-07:00when dad doesn’t disciple the kids <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFnR5vJf_eLwLvlcIjFO2T-mJuFECLfJbdjO7P1-IvJU5cBdiBuITp-ILBju8NFrH50ARCG4GReavCTuNK1hAQ2aqDfymhZrbqwHVJIHjm4H_HyPY6Cr_GqIuOrKDvPlhA3Z4moSzVVHr/s1600/mother+child+crosswalk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFnR5vJf_eLwLvlcIjFO2T-mJuFECLfJbdjO7P1-IvJU5cBdiBuITp-ILBju8NFrH50ARCG4GReavCTuNK1hAQ2aqDfymhZrbqwHVJIHjm4H_HyPY6Cr_GqIuOrKDvPlhA3Z4moSzVVHr/s1600/mother+child+crosswalk.jpg" height="193" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three kinds of “single moms” exist in the church: the literal
single mom who is raising children on her own, the mom whose husband is an unbeliever,
and the mom whose husband professes belief but does not partner in the spiritual
nurture of the family. For the true single mom and the mom married to an
unbeliever, the task is clear: train your children in the Lord because no one
else will. For the wife of the believing father guilty of spiritual
absenteeism, the lines are blurry. She lives in the tension between wanting to
honor her spouse and wanting to spiritually equip her children. All three “single
moms” desperately need the support of the church, but in this post I want to focus
specifically on the third mom, a woman trapped in a dilemma.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To Wait or to Act?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This mom walks in a great deal of anxiety, particularly in
more conservative environments where emphasis is placed on fathers leading
spiritually in the home. She sees her children going to bed each night with no
family time spent in the scriptures or in prayer, with no conversations
broached on the critical subjects that help kids transition to adulthood with
the wisdom they need. She has gently
raised the suggestion that dad initiate these teaching moments, to be met with
apathy or with short-lived token attempts. And because she has been taught that
God wants men to be the ones to lead such conversations in the home, she begins
to believe that the only course of action open to her is to sit silently, not
wanting to usurp authority, confused about what her role should be as mother and
wife, praying that the Lord would change her husband’s heart.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not that prayer is a give-up position. It is a far better
use of mom’s words than berating or begging dad to be more involved. Prayer for
dad’s heart and for the hearts of the children should always be the first action
mom pursues, both in homes where dad is spiritually present and in homes where
he is not. But in homes where dad is spiritually absent, I believe mom is
called both to pray and to act.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Step into the Street<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When my children were in early elementary school I would
walk them to the corner where the crossing guard would help them across a busy
intersection to the school. She wore an orange vest and carried a stop sign. She
had a whistle. She knew the traffic patterns. It was her job to make sure the
cars stopped and the children crossed safely. As a parent, I did not have
authority to tell my kids to cross the street when the intersection looked
clear to me. That was the crossing guard’s job.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But let’s say for a minute that the crossing guard doesn’t do
her job one morning. Let’s say she sees me coming with my little ones but
decides to stay in her lawn chair scrolling through Instagram. Let’s say that I ask her to help them across
the intersection, but she ignores my valid request. What should I do? I don’t
have an orange vest or a stop sign. I don’t know the traffic patterns like she
does. Should I turn to my children and say, “Well, good luck – I’ll pray you
make it safely to the other side!” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course not. I should do what she has chosen not to do. I
should watch for an opening in the traffic and walk my children safely across
the street. I should submit to a higher authority than the crossing guard in
the interest of doing what is safe and right.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moms dealing with spiritually absent dads rightly feel
anxiety for their children. In the busy intersection of life, it is neither
safe nor right to leave children untrained in spiritual matters. In fact, it would
be reprehensible to do so. But don’t worry - it’s possible to honor your sacred
responsibility to your children and their Heavenly Father while still showing
honor to their earthly father.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Make Disciples<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mat+28%3A19-20&version=ESV">Great
Commission</a> calls followers of Christ to make disciples, teaching them to
obey all He has commanded. Parents are charged with this very call within the
home. A mom who can’t count on her husband to partner in fulfilling it will
need courage and humility to move ahead in obedience to Christ. As His disciple,
she can and must spend her efforts to make disciples of her children, teaching
them to obey His commands. Moms, not only do you have permission to take this
on, you have a mandate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the absence of dad’s help, move forward to fill the gap.
Without vilifying dad, simply begin </span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31%3A26-28&version=ESV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">having
the conversations</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> necessary to guide your children safely to adulthood. Continue
to pray for dad. Continue to invite him periodically to join the conversation. Continue
to honor him by committing to </span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31%3A11-12&version=ESV" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">speak
well of him</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to your children. As you ask the Lord to help you in your efforts
and to soften your husband’s heart, keep confessing any resentment or
self-righteousness you might harbor. Lean on your Christian community for
support. But don’t let fear of usurping an authority dad does not exercise keep
you from equipping your kids with the fear of the Lord. The Lord delights in
those who do His will. Train those kids. Remind yourself that God is their
perfect Heavenly Father, and trust Him to care for them and shape them to be
like His Son.</span></div>
jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-26819936546342161312014-10-02T09:51:00.001-07:002014-10-02T11:10:07.197-07:00when your child's personality annoys you<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEBcbAGpu2576AssvFTVhI2mKPS6sRS6ZBI0ZhzNbR8y6QZpXaQdZA5FP4k07Qs1y6CF4fiuo0mc9Fe9cxBsWudlEe8i4ANvXYcI5IEkCULG7tbnfBMZrEKulCiWcWI7rm-Rk4D4uylmV/s1600/photo+(25).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEBcbAGpu2576AssvFTVhI2mKPS6sRS6ZBI0ZhzNbR8y6QZpXaQdZA5FP4k07Qs1y6CF4fiuo0mc9Fe9cxBsWudlEe8i4ANvXYcI5IEkCULG7tbnfBMZrEKulCiWcWI7rm-Rk4D4uylmV/s1600/photo+(25).JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God gifts our children with unique personalities. Sometimes
we love the way emerging personality traits shape our child’s behavior, but other
times they can drive us crazy. T</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">he overly talkative child, the bossy child, the child with endless energy, the child who collapses in tears at the smallest upset, the child whose imagination means homework never gets turned in - these are a few of the personalities that plant themselves in our orderly homes, posing a threat to our expectations and our patience.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our first temptation may be to bring those
behaviors to an immediate end. But I want to suggest a better way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">choosing to cultivate<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a purple variety of morning glory that grows wild
in Texas. By early summer we find it
overtaking our shrubs, scaling our fences, covering every surface it can grasp.
Through the hottest months it spreads and climbs while the rest of the garden
withers and perishes, its glossy green leaves impervious to the harsh sun, its
tendrils pushing between rocks and under gates and into the smallest spaces
between the fence slats. And just about
the time the last of our nursery-purchased flowers has succumbed to defeat,
this wild vine does the most surprising thing: it blooms in spectacular profusion.
</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For years we pulled it up as soon as the first helicopter
leaves broke the topsoil. On spring Saturday mornings we would walk the yard
scanning for the seedlings, uprooting them before they could attack en masse. Left
alone, the vine kills the foliage on other plants by blocking out the sunlight.
We considered it a nuisance and an undesirable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But this year we took a different route. Instead of
eradication, we opted for cultivation. We decided to tame that wildflower,
selectively thinning out the seedlings so that they grew where we wanted them: on
a trellis in the herb garden, on a spot of fence outside a window, on a post in
the far corner of the yard where nothing seems to grow. This week the blooms
began in earnest, and at a time of year when our garden should be bare, it is draped
luxuriously and strategically in purple flowers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">weakness or strength?<sup><o:p></o:p></sup></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children are like wild morning glories: They require
training up. Lacking adult self-control, their personality traits can seem
annoying and nuisance-like, undesirable. Sometimes our first response to an
annoying personality trait is a desire to pull it out by the roots.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But every bloom cultivated in an orderly garden grows as a
wildflower somewhere. Children’s untamed and sometimes frustrating personality
traits are no different. Before you work to uproot them, consider whether behind
that annoying trait is a strength waiting to be trained up. So often, the
quality that manifests as a child’s greatest weakness holds the potential to be
his greatest strength. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So the next time your child’s personality trait annoys you
and you’re tempted to shut it down, remember this principle: Don’t eradicate, cultivate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By all means, gently help your </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">talkative child</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> learn when to stop speaking, but also cultivate his
or her love of dialogue by inviting conversation on topics they love. You might
have a future teacher or salesperson in your home.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By all means, gently help your </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bossy child</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> learn to let everyone manage their own business, but
also cultivate his or her love of leadership by giving appropriate responsibilities.
You might have a future CEO or ministry leader in your home.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By all means, gently help your </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">energetic child</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> learn to be still when being still counts, but also
cultivate his or her love of movement by suggesting activities that channel
that energy in productive ways. You might have a future entrepreneur in your
home.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By all means, gently help your </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sensitive child</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> learn that not everything merits a meltdown, but
also cultivate his or her sensitivity into appropriate expressions,
particularly on behalf of others who hurt or lack. You might have a future
counselor or missionary in your home.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By all means, gently help your </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">imaginative child</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> learn to focus when focus is necessary, but also cultivate
his or her imagination by feeding it experiences and books and activities and
time to dream. You might have a future inventor, writer or painter in your
home.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As parents, we must help our children take a personality
trait that tends toward sin and train it toward righteousness. And we must do
so with patience and kindness. So rather than strive to uproot that annoying trait,
give it some good boundaries and a trellis. Train it up and watch it bloom to
the glory of God. He gifts our children with the seedlings of communication,
leadership, drive, sensitivity and imagination. May we be diligent to tenderly train
them up in the way that they should go.</span>jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-74460166780453143612014-09-29T10:10:00.000-07:002015-01-07T15:28:56.713-08:00my 10 minutes at the dg national conference<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibCdef3I04vJwwrKA92W7TbPkRQ7kEVQ6ETelSZhZ9WHl-fYznN4_9L64CdXyzQR8uxubpH_cPbgi3cN58fyVS849t_7wm48-by3b389vJo5QagElSIbbunFCFZYGU1KHkTqkgpKmXKy3r/s1600/latb.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibCdef3I04vJwwrKA92W7TbPkRQ7kEVQ6ETelSZhZ9WHl-fYznN4_9L64CdXyzQR8uxubpH_cPbgi3cN58fyVS849t_7wm48-by3b389vJo5QagElSIbbunFCFZYGU1KHkTqkgpKmXKy3r/s1600/latb.png" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I saw the first video introducing the "<a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/labs">Look at the Book</a>" campaign, I was beside myself with excitement that the topic of Bible literacy was about to get a broader audience. When I was given the priceless gift of ten minutes to address the attendees of the Desiring God National Conference on my favorite topic, I was speechless.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thankfully, the Lord provided ten minutes worth of speech when I took the platform. You can watch it via the link below.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And for those of you who thought or suggested that it was humanly impossible for me to speak for only ten minutes, I'm accepting your written apologies via email at your convenience...:)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">LINK: <a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/conference-messages/what-women-need-most-for-better-bible-study">What Women Need Most for Better Bible Study</a></span></b><br />
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<br />jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.com5