tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post4048139907881657295..comments2023-04-17T09:19:20.947-07:00Comments on the beginning of wisdom: FAQ: toddler tantrums - what should i do?jen wilkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-12658549575295242942013-02-04T12:05:53.562-08:002013-02-04T12:05:53.562-08:00Hilary - your two cents are awesome. Yes, the line...Hilary - your two cents are awesome. Yes, the line between bribing and rewarding can be a fine one - your approach is safely on the reward side. :)jen wilkinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-78917467186280200652013-02-04T11:44:03.014-08:002013-02-04T11:44:03.014-08:00Hi, Jen! I totally agree with creating situations ...Hi, Jen! I totally agree with creating situations in which your kids can understand the goodness of obedience, but I think this advice borders on bribing. Instead, I would set the expectation: "I expect you not to throw a fit in the store, understand? I know you can do this!" Then make it fun: "I only have to get five things! Let's see if we can get them really fast!" Then you have a little fun, racing around the store, or walking slowly down the peanut butter aisle under your child spies the PB. THEN, if your child hasn't had fits--and you've obviously helped her not throw a fit by engaging her--you say, "You were so good and helpful! You didn't throw a fit. I'm really proud of you. Let's get a pack of gum to celebrate!" This way, the first reward is the reward of obedience, not the reward of gum. It's internal versus external. We try to reward good behavior--sometimes with treats, but usually with praise or a special trip to the park or an extra bedtime book, etc.--but we try not to hold those rewards out as carrots to procure the desired behavior. Just my two cents!Hilaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16634256099829442759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-88047130662530744642013-01-14T21:01:29.886-08:002013-01-14T21:01:29.886-08:00This is an excellent observation. :) My advice was...This is an excellent observation. :) My advice was geared toward a fit that starts over wanting a toy or a treat. If the child's objective is to go home, you're right. You need a different strategy. I would plan a very short trip to the store (unbeknownst to your child). Basically, set them up to learn the skill of a successful shopping trip. Before you go in, set the expectation: "No fits in the store, OK?" "OK, Mom." Then offer a reward for self-control: "If there are no fits we will get gum at the check-out, okay?" "OK, Mom." "What will happen if there's a fit?" "No gum." "That's right - but I know you can do this!" Then go in, get five or six items, check out, and give the reward with praise for success. Gradually lengthen the trips. You want the child to enjoy the positive attention of successful self-control (versus the negative attention of a fit), so you stack the deck so they are likely to receive it. Just as with something like potty-training, the reward is given until the child has proven their ability to master the skill. Then a verbal reward becomes the norm. This worked well for us...I hope it helps! Jenjen wilkinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02934053593868428344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6892445584591819741.post-29060111745735400902013-01-14T20:46:26.484-08:002013-01-14T20:46:26.484-08:00"Toddlers teach us to marvel at the patience ..."Toddlers teach us to marvel at the patience of God toward His children, don't they?" Amen, sister! My third baby is three and a half, and sometimes I simply have to step back and marvel at her commitment to getting what she wants. <br /><br />I think the bulk of your advice is right on, but I do have one question. You say "If the fit doesn’t stop, and you're in public, go home. And yes, go home even if you have to leave a shopping cart or a party." While this is excellent advice when going home from the park or a friend's house, the problem comes when we are in the grocery store. My kids WANT to go home. Leaving because of a fit is not punishment; it is a reward. Any thoughts - from you or your wise readers - about some other strategies?Crunchy_Conservativehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13664462256982746031noreply@blogger.com